Happy Birthday Jules!!!

Just wanted to give a shout out to my BFFFFFFF Julia Burgonarker!!! Happy Birthday dude! You're the best. Hope it was a great day! Sorry I couldn't be there!

Every Cowboy Sings a Sad Sad Song

So there's a 6 year age difference between me and my boyfriend. And normally, it doesn't get in the way at all. But I got into his car today (I'm driving his BMW because I got in a car accident and my car is being fixed...long story for another time, but he doesn't need his car because his work lets him drive a demo.) and normally I listen to the radio but I was sick of it, so I thought hey, I'll see what's in the CD player. So low and behold I turn on this CD and the song that it's on is "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." I don't even know if that's what it's called but...you all know it...every night has it's dawn/just like every cowboy sings a sad sad song. Anyways that song isn't bad, but as I continue to skim through the songs it just gets worse and worse. The power ballads just keep coming at me with no warning. Until I hit..."Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby!!!! Baby, baby, baby, baby ohhhhh baby! At that moment I lost it and burst out laughing uncontrollably. I had to keep driving around for a little bit just so I could keep listening and try to comtemplate what this CD was. But really there's no comprehending it. I'm thinking to myself how old is he really? And what's with the depressing break up/heart break songs? Obviously left over from his last heartbreak. And then I'm thinking wow he's way more jacked from that than I thought. I guess it was funny because I pictured him all depressing out the window listening to this crap and the mental picture was just hilarious, because these songs would never be my choice for sad music. They're way too cliche. But all I could do was laugh, because if I kept listening to those songs I'd probably start crying. Not from the touching lyrics or powerful guitar solos, but from the fact that it was there at all.

I haven't been writing because I didn't realize people still read this thing. But apparently they do...so I'll try to keep it going folks. I miss all you guys out in PA.

Random question to ponder: When was the last time you cried?

Nordstrom's Mirrors are Just Sub Par

Ok I just went to Nordstroms. And I am mad. What's the deal with dressing rooms where the light is so bad that you leave wanting to kill yourself? And feel like crap for the rest of the day to where you wonder why your boyfriend likes you at all. Or at least stop eating for the rest of your life. Ok, let's face it I'll be happy if I make it till the end of the day. Something about the 360 degree view of my butt in the mirror and every dimple of cellulite being visible (which I didn't think I had until today) just sort of put me off trying to squeeze myself into some new Sevens. Some thoughts that were running through my head: "I didn't realize I look like a man from the back." "These underwear don't fit as well as I thought." "Does my butt normally stick out like a shelf?" I bought plenty of other stuff while trying to pretend that this particular mirror had to be lying to me, because I'd never seen that person before now. Actually come to think of it I did the last time I went to Nordstrom's. It's probably time to get to the gym because having a day job is starting to pack it on. But listen that's beside the point because for how nice Nordy's is supposed to be...it's time to invest in some softer lighting, and possibly some more slimming mirrors. Because they just lost a customer.

College vs. High School

I was just talking to one of my friends from high school about how much fun it was. We're both here at BYU and both agreed that college sucked compared to high school. Like when we got to the dorms it was like...what? There are rules? Boys can only come in my room during a 2 hour window on wednesday nights? And it's called visiting hours? What are we in a hospital? More like an insane asylum with all the weird momos walking to campus with their scriptures and walking around with smiles plastered on their faces the whole time. When I first got to BYU (and I thought I was a pretty happy person) it made me so mad how everywhere you went everyone was just smiling and skipping, chasing butterflies through the quad. It's like wipe that stupid grin off your face. I know you're thinking I'm devoid of the spirit. It's not that, I just don't smile ALL the time. But after a while I got used to it, instead of letting them ruin my day. Some of us need caffeine or some other mood altering drug to smile and giggle for no reason. I was more free in high school than I was through all of college. It's kind of ironic, you're supposed to branch out in college and grow, experience things. My college experience was more stifling than high school. I haven't decided if that was good or bad.

I'm Having Trouble With My TPS Reports...

I think my favorite thing at work now is not having to talk to angry customers who are pissed because their salesman lied. When salesman lie, we have to deal with it. And I hate it. It's great now though, because I just do inventory and I rarely do CSR stuff, only when their busy. But I often feel like office space. I work in my cubicle, and I have stuff to do, but it's so true, so many times, you just stare at your screen and pretend your working. I come in, sit down at my cubicle, check my email, then my work outlook and then get started on stuff for the day, but always somewhere in there is some good staring blankly at the screen time, or I'll click the different tabs on the dish site. If I'm done with updates I'll do them again, or just keep a window up in case someone walks by and wonders if I'm working. I mean I usually am, but there are times that everything is done...and is it my fault that I'm a fast worker? I don't think so. But let's all ponder this question...Can dead end jobs turn even the most industrious and innovative minds into slackers? Interesting...

CSR Adventures

So this lady calls work today and she's a total punk...and she's mad for some reason...but I answer the phone and she's like.."I need to talk to someone, I've been calling and I feel misrepresented and I feel like the people who installed my dish left a BIG mess..." I don't know if I was just really tired or if it was how she said it but it was so funny I had to put her on mute so that she couldn't hear me laughing because I totally got the giggles. Seriously I was laughing so hard...I guess just because she was another white trash sounding caller that didn't even know what she was saying...Seriously, "misrepresented" by whom? Dish? We don't represent you...It's like what the hell are you talking about? What she probably meant was that she felt like her salesman lied to her. Luckily I gave the call to my manager because she wanted to talk to someone "In-charge." Riiiight. I laughed for like ten more minutes after that too.

Texting Sucks

What's up with texting? I'm so sick of it. I long for the days when I actually talked to my friends on the phone.

Born Again...

I should probably explain the very last part of my previous post. We have this joke, sort of ever since high school because all my friends were born again christians, or presbyterian or something to that effect. And since then I've talked with numerous friends that are mormon about how they also had friends like that in high school. And to us Mormons who pray fervently with heads bowed, hands clasped and eyes closed with our very formal language the prayers of any other faith often seem informal and not serious at all, even humorous. So one time with some friends we started talking about this and then started imitating the prayers which are often uttered with open eyes, hands at sides and sound as if they are talking to their dad or some friend rather than a diety. And they often go something a little like this..." hey Lord, what's up we're just here, trying to be cool and play some music and just worship you Lord...so help us to do that okay? Awesome, cause we love ya Lord. Alright...in your name, Amen." And all this being in the most indifferent tone, especially the last part where the in your name Amen sounds more like a split second decision to purchase a soft drink rather than end a prayer with reverence. There are many things I don't understand in the Mormon religion and culture for that matter, but one I do appreciate is our respect and reverence for our Savior. And other religions prayers often seem way to informal for me. I remember going with my friends to some of their activities and being so uncomfortable when the head youth leader would be looking around as he was praying and I only figured this out after my friend tapped me because I was the only one in the room who had my arms folded and head bowed. It was so weird. He just kept looking around, and I didn't know where to look and then we made eye contact. It's like how do you keep your train of thought? And I don't mean this in a condescending way at all. I felt stupid because I had no idea what was going on, since obviously all religions are different. Anyways...So it was in that mock tone that I chose to end my last post, because hey...I'm just trying to be cool here okay? Okay. And remember WWJD.

There are rainbows on every horizon

So...lately it seems everyone is gay. I mean everyone. I have questions about a lot of people's sexuality here in Provo and it seems others are having the same experiences as me. So in light of this...I have a story to share. I just joined Gold's Gym. I have been a member of 24 for 5 years, so that was a hard thing for me to do, but there just isn't a 24 hour close to where I live now. So I happened to join when I went to the gym one night with this guy I just started dating. So after I sign up and stuff and they gave me a pretty good deal...the trainer (who I had a sneaking suspicion was gay) hands me his card. And then John (said guy I am dating who is a financial manager for a volkswagen dealership) hands the trainer his card and says "If you need anything, not that your gay and want a jetta or something." To which the trainer replies..."Well actually I am gay, and I do drive a jetta. Hee-hee." All I could say was, "oh, that's cute." Ridiculous. John felt so bad, but it was soooo funny. I laughed about it later during some free time I had. But the guy was just excited about it and actually wanted to trade in his jetta. So anyways...the moral of the story is...gay people are all around, even in the land Zion. So get used to it, cause they're just trying to be cool and have some fun okay? Okay. In your name, Amen.

I met a boy...and I like him.

Counting Down

So I'm at work..which so far is cake. I just wrote my last college paper and got paid to do it. The phone only rings like every half an hour if that, but then again I'm ony training and the Dish Summer Season hasn't started yet. So it will get busier. But anyhow...I'm moving to my brother's basement this saturday! Rock on! Not BYU approved rip off housing. As I am graduating next thursday I went and got my hair done yesterday. I told her I wanted it more blonde...somehow that translated to "give me hair like Gwen Stefani." I'm sure my mom will have a comment, but in truth I kind of like it. Also I've been trying to exercise to look better for pictures. But since I've been so busy I really haven't been able to. So my new motto is "If you can't lose it, tan it!" So my goal is to become a Christina Aguilera look a like by graduation. And I'm proud to say I'm half-way there. Amazing how being tan can melt away five pounds in minutes! It's obvious I live in the moment. But hey we're all gonna get cancer eventually anyways. I've come to terms with it. It's not a matter of if, but when and which one? My guess is I'll either get skin, ovarian or breast cancer. The only thing I can say is hopefully I'll lose some weight when I have to do chemo and it won't kill me. Well just one more final to tackle, then a picture slide show to create and I'm Audi 5000 from YBU? I mean BYU.

One Way to Graduation

I haven't written in a while because I have been experiencing what I like to call hell week squared. The last two weeks of my college career before finals. And I don't really have finals I have projects. And to make the last two weeks just super fun I got deathly ill and my computer died for good...and took my biochem paper and another large assignment with it. I believe the guy who I paid 65 bucks to, so that nothing could be recovered told me it sounded like a dying remote control car. So I took some time that I already didn't have, to re-write those papers. Luckily it is all almost over. I only have about 3 more things to do that aren't too bad. Present my final project, do a take home final and I have one other final to take. But at this point, I feel kind of like a runner that is finishing a marathon, but at the very end is forced to sprint for 2 miles because someone is chasing him, and then bonks 1 mile before the finish line. I am that runner...dragging myself along the pavement. Even miniscule tasks such as filling out a questionnaire seem like mountains to climb. I've gone comatose. That metaphor would work even better if I was a runner. But I don't even like running. And I've never ran a marathon. I don't even know if I've run a mile. Just kidding. I do need to give a shout out to my sister Pickle who has totally helped me get through by being awesome and sending me all my favorite shows on DVD. I am now caught up completely with LOST!!!! what what! She's the bomb. I love it cause she's not working right now...by choice, cause she's that cool, so she makes me all these cool DVDs and stuff apart from doing her other job which is clean out my old german granparents old crap. I would like to include an excerp from an email she sent me...I was rolling on the floor. Nicole says: "my current job is going through a musty box of half german, half
english papers that opa maintained over the last 20 years of his life.
old brokerage statements that i'm going to have to shred...which is
such a joy. i'm so looking forward to that musty moldy pile of
shreddings, so i can bury my face in them on the way to the garbage
and have an asthmatic attack. then i'll go and cleanse my nasal
passages by pouring salty water through them with my ayurvedic
cleansing pot...and blow the musty snot out into the sink to avoid
said asthmatic attack." The funny thing is that I can totally picture this whole scene playing out but little Nicole, dutifully doing it just like Dad would. Wow...let's hear it for Nicole! Can I get a raise the roof?

Walking and talking, not as easy as it sounds...

So last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. Just to preface this my mom kind of talks a lot and she always interrupts you while you're trying to tell her something. You'll be in the middle of a story and she'll ask some random question, and the whole time your thinking if you'd just let me finish you'd find out the answer to your question. So last night, I'm totally sick and I'm trying to finish a research paper that is due the next morning and I'm just trying to tell my mom about it but she keeps asking me these irrelevant questions about my internship and where I'm going to live this summer, blah blah and all the while I'm just trying to make it through the week. I don't have time to think about that yet. So I'm typing this paper while "listening" to her talk. But the most aggravating part is that I want to get off the phone because I'm about to collapse as it is, and she's walking the dog. So in between her talking there are intermittent bursts of really loud yelling "no tessa!, bad girl!...oh what a nice puppy." and then back to me, "sorry margs, anyways blah blah blah"...ten seconds later..."aaaahhhh, no no tessa!" then back to me..."she got off her leash gotta go sorry...*click!*" I'm like, random, but finally I can finish my paper. Then she calls back! We weren't even talking about anything anyways..so then I talk to her for another ten minutes essentially re-capping on everything that we said before. She's so weird. The whole conversation was interspersed with talking to the dog or other people out on walks too. So if I ever was trying to say something I'd be interrupted every ten seconds by that. Don't get me wrong I love me Mom, she's really sweet and considerate she's just not the best multi-tasker. The whole time I was just laughing because it was just so funny, yet I was so annoyed. Guess you had to be there.

In sickness and in health

I'm sick. I almost made it a whole semester with no illness. Too bad school doesn't stop for disease. The only thing that afforded me some pleasure today amidst being sick and sitting through 4 hours of class while stressing about the other million things I have to do was when...We were taking a survey and this really dumb annoying girl in my class raises her hand and asks, and I quote... "Um...Does Relief Society count as like, a sorority?" Immediately I thought...someone please punch her in the face. I guess I'm kinda cranky today. Oh well I forgive myself.

Textiles, Tests and Papers oh my!

I'm stressed...actually I have so much to do this week I don't even know where to start. College is so hard sometimes. And today in research methods we had to go around and look at the research posters in our building. And just as I said "This is gonna take forever and we don't even get a stinking break!" the teacher walked by. And this is the one who hates me. I'm retaking another one of her classes from last year too. (see the entry about the test key) I turned red, but we were in the most remote corner of the basement who knew she was gonna be patrolling the area! But really, who cares? I was already on her bad side after correcting her in class when she said something about the Morbidly Obese classification. I merely told her that it's called Obese III now because the "morbidly" made people feel bad. She just looked at me like I was retarded and continued her lecture. Hey, I think it's lame too but that doesn't change the fact that it's different now, get with the program Fullmer. And I guess she also hates me because I never go to her classes, and when I do I talk during them or draw pictures or crack jokes. Whatever. I'm graduating in 3 weeks and then I'll never have to see her feathered hair again. Meanwhile...I have much more important things to worry about, like ordering textile samples for my management class, then taking 3 tests, writing a biochem paper and ten page research proposal. Riiight. "Time goes by...so slowly...so slowly."

Delicious Dreams

So this weekend I went to wendover as usual. I finally fall asleep at around 11, after tossing and turning because the pillow is too soft, or almost being asleep but waking up and freaking out because the nappy motel sheet kept touching my mouth. So I'm asleep...and I start having a wonderful dream. Kiefer and I are making out, except I'm not myself I'm Amanda Bynes in this red dress (the same one she wore in She's the Man...I had recently seen it.) So just as we hit the bed and he's about to grab my butt I hear a blood curtling scream (in my dream)and then I wake up to my roomate's phone ringing. It's my other annoying roomate who's in Provo calling Patti about some class notes at 7 am!!! I mean couldn't it wait till say 8 when I had to wake up anyways? I was so bitter. Did you have to pick the day I have the makeout dream? Not only could I not continue this dream...though I tried, you know where you close your eyes and try to see if it will keep going, which it didn't...I couldn't even fall back asleep because I was just so aggravated. I'm just laying there fuming about it. I mean it was so real. You know those dreams where you know you're dreaming, but that makes it so much better because you just savor every moment. My inner monologue went something like this..."ya i'm kissing kiefer, and I look hot, and I'm kissing kiefer'...Ya that's what I got ripped out of. I'm not exaggerating...I wanted to cry a little. Anyways. I'm over it now. 24 is on tomorrow. I guess that will have to be enough.

Being grown up SUCKS...but 24 ROCKS.

I'm so bored right now. Once again I'm passing time until my next class, but I really want to go home. Even though I can't. I have to work on this work sheet and my day is go go go until like 11 tonight. I hate these days. It's these days that the ADD comes out and I just want to go home chuck it all and lay in bed for the rest of the day. But I don't. That's probably the one thing college is good for...making you do crap you don't want to. I guess that's part of what being a grown up is. Not throwing a tantrum every time you don't want to do something. What if people still did that? Like your boss gave you something to work on and you were like "OH gosh...no way, that sucks. Grrrr. Do I have to do that?" Actually I'm pretty sure I still groan out loud when a new assignment is handed out and I'm a senior in college. So apparently I'm not very good at being a grown up yet. I'll have to work on that. And what's funny is one of my friends always calls me the newborn because I used to take so many naps. I've tried to cut back. I'm probably at about toddler status. I try to keep it to one a day. Oh but anyways the reason I started writing this (gosh that was a huge detour) was that 24 rocked last night! When Audrey and Jack had that emotional moment. It was so touching. Once again I pretended the hand was mine.

1 out of 10

I just found out I had to take a quiz and I didn't study for it...but I took it online just now anyways. Ya I probably should have studied a little bit because I got 1 point out of 10. I am offically retarded. I should have known the stuff. Gosh I'm so stressed out. School is slowly squeezing the life out of me...like a lemon in a vice. Let's just hope I have some juice left to last me to the end. I mean I was mad about that quiz, but I'm pretty much over it now. That's the beauty of being a senior. You bomb and you move on.

Girls that have never met are not meant to live together

Okay...I have to say my roomates are interesting...one is just plain psycho. The other is really sweet and nice but just young and annoying. Sometimes I feel like my apartment complex is just an extension of the dorms where people are yelling and screaming and throwing stuff at each other all the while yelling "holla!". Anywyas the nice/slightly overly enthusiastic one is always asking me to do stuff with her and her little friends which is so nice of her, but I never want to go because basically I just can't picture myself hanging out with her friends. I mean what would we talk about? I just always picture them sitting around talking about the lame guys in the ward that they like and stuff like that. I feel like my sarcasm would be completely out of place. Yet she keeps asking me to do stuff, she never gets the message. And I wish she would because every time one of the roomates tries to talk to me or whatever my blood pressure rises a little. And I don't know if it's just me or what but everytime someone knocks on the door to my room, I get all tense and nervous like wondering how I'm going to pass what feels like an eternity until either one of my roomates is done talking about whatever and they leave me alone. Like the psycho one will just come in and ask me my opinion on random stuff that I don't give a crap about either way, just to talk to me. I even get tense when I use the bathroom sink or mirror and she's in there. However, that's probably because sometimes I'll come into the bathroom and she'll be on the pot with the door open and all the lights off and it will scare the living daylights out of me. Ya you heard me...believe me I've asked her to shut the door to which she replied "sorry sometimes I'm just too lazy." Too lazy to shut the door while your dropping a bomb? Well get un-lazy cause nobody wants to witness that, believe me besides the fact that I jump every time it happens. Only 5 more weeks...then I'm free.