Funny Face

Costa what?

2009-05-23T15:11:00.004-06:00

So...I haven't written in forever! Life has been crazy busy. So I'll just jump in to what I currently can't stop thinking about.

The other day my sister and I met up for dinner at "Costa Vita", which is a one of those Cafe Rio knock offs. Probably the worst one actually. It's basically Cafe Rio. All the food is exactly the same. The only difference is a surf shack theme, instead of bright obnoxious colors or whatever Cafe Rio's theme is.

If you're not from Utah, Cafe Rio is this restaurant that has done amazingly well, even though it's not like anything stellar or anything close to the calibur of food that's available in California or Palo Alto. You stand in line, they serve you up burritos, salads, enchiladas that they put together right in front of you as you move down the line like cattle in that chute they're in before someone brands them. Then you pay and sit down. Obviously it's an ingenious idea since they don't have to pay waiters, they just charge you more.

So we were at this Costa Vita place that has blattently ripped off Cafe Rio (it's a wonder they haven't been sued) and we are almost through the line. I had ordered Preston a kids meal with a quesadilla and some beans and rice so the guy asks me if I want beans with it and I'm like "Ya, do you have refried?" Refried is Preston's favorite. The guy kind of rudely and in a sort of mocking tone (like I'm a complete idiot for thinking they have refried beans) says, "We don't have refriend beans. This is FRESH mex!" I'm like "okay pinto then." The guy had Ahh-iii-TUDE! He was your typical BYU, skinny looking, hint of a gay voice, nerdy white guy. So I'm thinking to myself Bajio has refried beans, they're "Fresh mex" what's the big deal. And then I'm thinking that guy doesn't know the first rule of foodservice or any service...the customer is always right! But he felt the need to make me feel like an idiot for thinking they might have refried beans. I didn't really care at first. But as I've thought about that statement, it was just sooo wrong on so many levels. I'll break it down here:

Level 1: I'm the customer, no need to be snooty.
Level 2: Your little chain is a total rip off of something way better, and you don't even have the decency to change the names of the menu items. Real original.
Level 3: I'm from California where REAL Mexicans make the mexican food...and it is gooooood!
And it has nothing to do with being FRESH.
Level 4: What kind of food ARE you selling, because it sure ain't Mexican food. It could maybe be like Tex Mex?
Level 5: FYI Just because you're calling it fresh doesn't make it healthy. There are about 1000 calories in one of their salads. and maybe 14oo in a burrito if it's smothered.
Level 6: Tell me which part of the meat floating around in it's own grease pool is FRESH mex.

Now, I wish I would have thought of any of this to say to Mr. Lame Server Man/Boy but sadly I can never think of pithy things to say in the moment. And maybe I should have made him aware that he was rude. But that's just not my style folks. I keep it nicely bottled inside, smile politely, say thanks, and never come back again.

I figure in my quiet, passive aggressive way...that'll teach 'em.

Facts About Mormons and Prop 8

2008-11-13T20:41:00.003-07:00

A friend sent me this, and it I thought it was interesting. So I thought I'd share it here.

Due to the backlash on Prop 8 centered on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a member has put together facts and statistics to show what actually happened with this vote. The anger of the No on 8 people is misdirected and inappropriate, given the facts.

1. Mormons make up less than 2% of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.

2. Mormon voters were less than 5% of the yes vote. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6% of the Yes vote and 2.4% of the total Proposition 8 vote.

3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the Church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.

4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.

5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.

6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.

7. African Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70% of Black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.

8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).

9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, Evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims – all supported Yes on 8.

8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.

10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or her self. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.

11. The Church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ." The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process, to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that Churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The Church has always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.

12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support, and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair, and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars, and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do – we spoke up, we campaigned, and we voted.

Proposition 8

2008-11-11T19:54:00.003-07:00

I feel that I need to write something about this Proposition 8 thing. It has been much on my mind lately. As I have been reading in the news and on the internet about protests outside of our temples in LA and Oakland I am so greatly surprised, saddened, and shocked at what I've read and seen. I feel I need to speak up for my beliefs and I hope and pray that it will come out in the spirit that it was meant. I'm not going to explain what Prop 8 is or what's been going on in detail, only my reaction to the events. But you should Google it if you don't know or read the news. Also a really great website where a lawyer who has done a lot of research explains the consequences of the Supreme Court's decision in detail. You can find it here. To understand what this measure means, I suggest you go there and read.

My church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or LDS or Mormon Church as it's known was a heavy supporter on passing Proposition 8 to overturn the Supreme Court's ruling that legalized same sex marriage in the state of California. It is our belief that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. And that this bond is a highly sacred one.

Now, this issue is one close to my own heart and was a very hard decision for me, until I researched more closely what it would mean for me and my family. (Again, the above link is great to help you understand.) It was hard for me because my sister is gay. And has been for more than ten years. And I love her dearly. She is one of the smartest, most generous people I know. She is thoughtful and kind. Anyone should want to be like her. And I don't fault her for her choices or her lifestyle. I refuse to judge her. I don't know what it's like to be her, but I do know our Heavenly Father loves each of us. Everyone. Whether they want to except that love or not. So it is not my place to judge those around me unfairly. As I hope I will not be unfairly judged. I hope I will not hurt her with my comments here.

Now, I don't like hurting people's feelings and I am not one to tell other people how to live their lives. I only know how I want to live mine. And if you know me you know I'd rather cut off my own finger before having a confrontation with someone. But there comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand. And you are either on one side or the other. If I still lived in California (where I grew up until I came to Utah for college and stayed) I would have voted Yes on 8. And not because I don't respect gay and lesbian couples or because I don't think that they should get married. If it was just about marriage I might have voted No. But it was about more than that. If the Supreme Court's ruling had stayed the government would have had the right to teach in schools doctrines that are opposite to what I believe. And as a parent I would have had no right to pull my child from school during this time or have any prior notice of when these things would be taught. And if I did try, I would have been arrested.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter what these doctrines are, though you obviously know what I'm referring to. I hope you'll read more about it in the link above. But I just wanted to share a little of why I would've had to vote yes. Because more than just about marriage, this is about religious freedom. And if we are going to trade one freedom for another, then that is not progress. And this is in part why I am so gravely saddened by the reaction to the passage of Prop 8.

Now, outside our temples, which are greatly sacred to us, people are protesting and waving signs, and climbing the fences, and writing things on the outside of the buildings. An LDS LAPD officer wrote an article about what went on outside the LA temple. It is heartbreaking to me. You can read it here. But basically no one is really stopping them. I can't help but think...if we were Jewish, or Muslim, or even Catholic people being treated like this no one would stand for it. Can you imagine people vandalizing the Vatican? I just can't see it. But there are so many misconceptions about us Mormon's people find it easy to pass judgement. And find it easy to dimiss us as crazy people who "Worship Joseph Smith"(We don't. We believe him to be a Prophet and the founder of our religion, but we worship Jesus Christ and God, the Father and them alone.) Or they dismiss us as polygamists (We are not. We ended that practice 150 years ago. And no...the people on "Big Love" aren't Mormon.) The things that are going on are clearly hate crimes, yet no one cares because we are apparently "biggots", because we stood up for our beliefs.

However, we were not the only church that supported this measure. Catholics, Protestant churches and many other faiths support this belief as well and supported Prop 8 alongside us. And I feel we are being unfairly criticized and condemned as close. Just because someone doesn't believe what you do and you are upset or angry that something did not go your way does not give you the right to physically harm that person or their church or break the law. Last time I checked we as a faith have not vandalized or tried to beat up people who did not share our beliefs. (Even though an extremely slanderous commerical was shown on TV that missionaries do bust in peoples doors and take things. I guarantee that never happened and never will.) I'm not asking for gays and lesbians to stop believing what they believe or even practicing their lifestyle, that is their personal choice. I'm just asking them to allow others to have their beliefs as well.

I guess I'm just disappointed in the people in California right now. Because for all their shouting about equality and tolerance, they're not being very tolerant of us, of our faith or of our sacred places of worship. And I'm shocked that no one seems to see that. I guess I feel like a gay person would feel if they were in high school and someone wrote "faggot" or "queer" or something else worse on their locker or their car. That's not who they are inside and it's hurtful and unnecessary. Essentially that is what's happening to Mormons because we won't appologize for who we are or what we believe. People have defaced our temple and wrote "Liars" and carried signs with "Mormon Scum" or "Joseph Smith Polygamist Pedophile" written on them. All this hatred because people voted for what they believed to be true? We didn't strong arm people. Mormons didn't accompany people to the polls and make sure they voted Yes. We presented the facts. And if you know us, you'd know we wouldn't lie just to get this passed. We didn't need to. And we didn't do it out of malice or out of prejudice.

People are angry and upset and this is a very emotional issue. But this country prides itself on tolerance and acceptance of other cultures, ethnicities, religions. I didn't see that tolerance in any of the articles I've read. So are we going to trade one freedom for another? I worry for this country if we are taking steps in the direction of not allowing our people to practice their religion freely. When bad things happen, like after the Twin Towers were struck down, people seem to turn to God and say how could he have allowed this to happen to us? Well if you keep pushing him away, out of your schools, out of your homes, how can you be upset when he finally takes the hint?

All I can say is that if you're feelings have been hurt by this issue, I'm sorry. So have mine. I would never write anything on someone else's place of worship, no matter their beliefs. And I think that is the main thing that has bothered me. That essentially hate crimes have been tolerated, because those weird Mormon's aren't really people. But we have rights too. Gay people aren't the only people with rights. But if we are to be persecuted for standing up for our principles I will endure it. It is a small price to pay for what I believe. I still believe in this country and in democracy. People voted. The majority won. I'm sorry the majority has made the minority angry. But that is the beauty of democracy. Decisions are made by the people themselves. Maybe in a few years we will be overuled and a similar measure to Prop 8 will allow gay and lesbian couples to marry again. And if that day comes I will not defile their places of worship or hold signs outside the places that they hold dear. But I will pray for them and for our country.

Crazy Lady

2008-11-06T07:44:00.003-07:00

So I was working at the hospital the other day. I'm a dietitian at a hospital here in the Salt Lake Valley. And I was up on TCC. Which is a floor that is technically not part of the hospital. Patients move there when they are done with Hospital care but still need hospital care. Doesn't make sense? For example if they had knee surgery and they still need therapy on their knee and nurses to take care of them, but they don't need full hospital benefits and costs.

So anyways, I was talking to this lady and she was clearly crazy. She was telling me how she hadn't gotten any Coumadin since she was at the hospital. Let me just tell you that people on Coumadin need a certain amount every day depending on how much is in their system. The doctor usually test their PT/INR to determine the dosage. So Coumadin is an anticoagulant. It is also known by its generic name, warfarin. Coumadin is, simply put, a "blood thinner". It thins your blood to prevent blood clots from forming. There are several uses that warrant it's use, such as Pulmonary Embolism, Deep Venous Thrombosis, and Atrial Fibrillation to name a few. So this lady was scared that becaues she hadn't had the same dosage every day or because her dose was lower that she was going to have a stroke. (Now let me just tell you that the doctors at the hospital are not imcompetent. The patients get labs everyday and the doctor can easily see how much Coumadin she would need on any given day.) So let me continue with the story.

Okay, so she didn't get any Coumadin for the first two days, then they only gave her .5 and then 1.0 and she needs 2.5 a day! All this according to her. And she is very exasperated telling me this, leaning into my face off her bed. (Where when I walked in she was sitting on the edge of it with her bum cheeks hanging out of her gown. Nice.) And how she told her doctor but all he did was smile, at which point she plasters a joker like grin on her face to show me what the doctor looked like, which was pretty unerving in and of itself. So she's telling me that she needs a new doctor and this one is going to give her a stroke and how she wants me to go check her labs and then figure out how much Coumadin she needs and then tell the doctor to give it to her. The whole time I am pretending to write this down on my paper, but instead am writing...this lady is crazy! And what I'm really trying to do is get out of her is if she's eaten anything. So after the 10 minute Coumading detour I finally get around to asking how the food is to which she replies grumpily..."It's hospital food." (Now for hospital food ours is supposedly very good, we get compliments all the time.) To which I reply...How much of your tray have you been able to get down would you say? To which she tells me, "Less than half." All in a huff with her arms folded like a ten year old. The whole time I'm thinking I gotta get away from this belligerent patient. Then she launches into a story about how the other day they served stew that was really good and the meat was tender but the day before that the meat was all rubbery and she couldn't chew and she does a demonstration chomping her teeth all loud. (Another unerving demonstration.) So I say, well do you like it well done? And she says..."Well I don't like it raw!" I'm thinking, "So there is no pleasing you." So I offer some Ensure to which she also refuses to try because "she's never had it and doesn't know if she'll like it." So ask if she likes chocolate since she has some chocolate cookies on the table. And she says again, "I don't know I've never had it." I'm like..okay have you had chocolate..I see cookies here. Do you like the flavor in general? At his point I'm getting kinda annoyed. Not that you could tell. Then she goes back to the Coumadin thing. That's when I threw in the towel. I said.."Okay, well I will go talk to your doctor right now and then I will work things out in my office if I can. I will be back later." Did I come back? No...why? Because she was crazy. And because I cannot change a dosage of medicine that her doctor is giving her! I'm a dietitian not a pharmacist! Anyhow...it's always a different day at the hospital.

Like one time I went into this other room and the guy in there had been having diarrhea. He was an 85 year old that had been constipated so he gave himself a salt water enema and had been diarrhea-ing ever since! So I asked how he was doing, if he still had any nausea or vomiting. He said no... but then all of a sudden he was like.."oohhhhh..my butt hurts!" like he was passing a stool right there. And then he says excuse me and grabs a tissue and starts to go under the blanket. Faster than you can say "GROSS!" I was like "I'll come back later!" and was out the door. So it's always glamorous at the hospital. But I like doing it. It never gets old and it's always fun to have the crazies it makes your day interesting.

BEAR Necessities

2008-08-10T15:05:00.004-06:00

So today, John and I are in the car on our way to show our townhome to some potential renters and in the car there's an ad on the radio. It's some grocery store ad, but it sounds like they've taken some old song clips from somewhere and inserted them into the ad. To me it sounded exactly like Johnny Cash, like one of his old CD's I have. I knew that I knew the song from somewhere, and it sounded exactly like him, and usually you can't mistake his deep voice and twangy songs. Just to say now, though that I was wrong and I'm lame, the song was "Bare Necessities." Maybe you know where that's from.

So, to John, I say, "Oh, that's Johnny Cash, funny."

And he looks at me like I'm kinda crazy and is like..."No it's not," very matter of factly.

And I won't relent, because I always have to be right. (Ya I can admit it, I'm a know it all.)
So I persist, "Ya it is, it's an old Johnny Cash song, I know it."

To which he replies with an even more annoyed tone and a look that says you're retarded, "No it's not, it's THE JUNGLE BOOK!"

To which I realize that he's totally right and burst out laughing, because I knew that I knew the song from somewhere! I totally used to watch that cartoon when I was little with the fat bear singing the "BEAR Necessities!" LOL. I just thought it was so funny, I had to share it. I was sure it was Johnny Cash, like I know everything. And then John goes and pin points exactly what it is. And the way he said it was so just rude and hilarious. But of course he knew what it was, it was a cartoon! His area of expertise! hahahahaha.

Anyways...that's all. Have a magical day. So the next time you think you're TFC like I did, hopefully you have someone to tell you that...you're not.

Weird Ads...Sorry

2008-08-04T21:51:00.002-06:00

By the way...sorry about some of the ads on my page. I was trying out Adsense with Google, and I need to figure out how to not allow some less than stellar ads, namely Dirty Girls, Picture Women, Cute Women...supposedly they're tailored to your audience and I assume they got some of this stuff from my subject matter. But it has definitely been misconstrued. So my apologies. I am not in favor of gross stuff like that.

Walmart, Heavyset Older Women and Vampire Love Stories

2008-08-04T21:26:00.005-06:00

So I go to Walmart the other day...which I basically try to avoid, because here in Utah all you find there are really cheap people, who basically annoy the crap out of me. And there's usually a ton of people there even at like three in the afternoon. And I hate waiting in line. No let me rephrase...I loathe waiting in line. Especially when I have only one thing to buy. So, back to being at Walmart. I roll in there in the 100 degree heat, heft the baby's two ton car seat out of the car into the shopping cart, roll into Walmart and get my book.

Let me just interject for a second. I was there to purchase the fourth book in the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, who went to BYU. Yes she's mormon. A mormon wrote a love story about vampires...actually four books worth of one. And I'd just like to say that I basically was super hooked and I read the first three books in like a week. That's like 4200 pages, give or take. (Yes...I know what you're thinking...and yes, I am a gifted reader...okay, okay AND writer...now stop flattering me.) So I go to pick up this fourth book, which I have now finished, in a day and a half...and it was really good. But I'd just like to say that the second two books were pretty much crap. They were a means to an end, a way to make a little more money for herself. Kind of drawn out in my opinion. And let's face it...New Moon was painful...there's really no other word to describe it, besides well...painstaking...torturous really. The only good part was like the last two chapters. But I will say that everything comes together quite well in the fourth book and I have to say Meyer is a better writer than I thought. But she's no J.K. Rowling, or J.R.R Tolkien. That's all I'll say.

Back to Walmart. So I roll in, pick up my book off the table under the canopy where the night before they had a huge party for this thing to come out. Team Jacob...Team Edward...all that crap, with cakes and face painting and people dressed up. It really brought out the crazies. (We happened to be there getting a high chair with John's parents...but I digress.) So I grab my book, and get in line...but the line is way way long in the express...so I decide to try another one. I end up down at the very far end by all the food, where I see a really short line at the checkout. One person, almost done! So I start making a bee line for it. And this is where my annoyance with Walmart customers gets justified. Out of the corner of my eye I see an older lady, coming out of the clothes section just a few feet in front of me. I know instinctively that she's ready to go to the check out. So I step up the pace, as nonchalantly as possible, edging just in front of her, but subtly. But she doesn't give up! She's coming on fast and hard! I peer back to the left and she's still there, gaining. We both knew we wanted that checkout. I slide in behind the lady that's already there and she's beat! But then she found one with no one at the check out in front of mine and she was checking out before me! I was so annoyed. I felt like we were little kids racing our go carts, except I am a 24 year old mom and she was a heavyset sixty something year old lady, just giving it our all to get to the check out first. Now I will readily admit that I was acting like a lame Walmart customer that I hate. But that's why I hate Walmart! Because it turns me into that shovey, cheap person that I can't stand. I feel like I'm Utah County all over again for crying out loud! I get infected with the bad attitude. But in that second, I just had to get to the checkout first! I had stuff to do, and being in line for a minute more would have killed me, wouldn't it? And for the split second that I thought that I won, I felt pretty good...that I beat a sixty year old fat lady to the checkout. But in my defense, I had a baby carrier in my cart. That adds like 20 pounds, and not to mention much less maneuverability.

I got in, I got my cheap thirteen dollar hardback of Breaking Dawn, and I got out...sidestepping the lines, and faster than an old lady...okay at the same time. And I only got a little poor on me.

Facebook Stalker

2008-07-15T22:25:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I have a confession to make. I am a facebook stalker. Well, maybe stalker is too strong of a word. Let me re-phrase...I am addicted to looking at people's pictures on facebook...and sometimes reading wall posts...and reading picture comments...okay also taking quizzes, adding new applications to my page, changing my mood, commenting on other people's pictures, reading everyone's status, and basically everything else you can do on facebook, including buying my friends for money on Owned! Ya so I don't know if that's more than most people do on facebook, but I can seriously get lost on there for so long!

This is how it starts...I log on. I look at my mini-feed, which usually has a fair amount of stuff on it. For example, the other day mini feed told me that this one friend I have made a certain comment on one of their friends photos. So I check out the photo more closely, because I just happen to have this curiosity for people and their lives...I don't even have to know them. Before I know it ten minutes has gone by and I have looked at all of this person's pictures (this is the person that I don't even know...the friend of a friend...). This person wasn't even like a cool person, it was an older person, married with kids, and it seemed like they had been re-married. So I find myself wondering as I'm looking at these pictures...who are these people? What are their lives like? I wonder if his first wife died or if they got a divorce. I also noticed that his kids were much cuter than the new wife's kids...then I found myself thinking...that must suck for the uglier ones, especially since two of them were in the same grade. And I'm thinking all this just from looking at some random person's photos. Finally I snap out of my facebook stalker trance and realize, who cares about these people. Then I decided I did and I wanted to know more, just because. I still had unanswered questions. Then I decided I was crazy and I needed to look at some pictures of people I knew, to erase the previous weird behavior of looking at some random strangers pictures. I did and it helped me feel normal again.

But I have another confession. I always look at wedding pictures. If anyone ever comments on someone's wedding, I have to look at the pictures. I have to see if my dress was better or my flowers were better, or my bridesmaids had on more tasteful and elegant outfits. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. But for the most part it makes me happy with my nuptials and my photographer. And somehow by ripping on the ugly brides or poor wedding dress choices, I feel a little bit better about myself. (I know, I know...) Mind you, I'm only doing this in my own head. No one ever hears what I think about these pictures, well until now. And most of you probably think I am a total B at this point. But really who cares. You know you do it. I guarantee each and every one of you have looked at people's pictures on facebook that you don't know. And have wondered what their life was like, or been jealous of the fun they were having on that boat, or how great they looked on their wedding day, or how happy they seemed partying with their friends. Don't lie, you know you have.

That's the beauty of Facebook, it lets you look into through the window into other people's lives, which helps you think about what you might be missing, or what you know you can live without, or how glad you are about your present situation. And it's kinda fun to see what those people are doing with their lives. People you used to have real relationships with, or people you still do. It's a connection, real or imaginary with those around you. And I find that when I am home all day with a baby, I like that connection. And I admit that for the most part, those that I've known for a long time, I am usually just happy for them when I see pictures of weddings and engagements and boyfriends and babies. It makes me happy to see the successes in their lives. I save the petty callousness for people that I don't know.

Also, I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people who are far away. I don't know why. Maybe it's due to my fear of confrontation. The longer you don't talk to someone, the longer the convo has to be, and then it might be awkward at first and then you have to talk forever...yada yada yada. I pretty much psych myself out. But with facebook, I can leave a nice wall post, short and sweet or whatever else.

So when you post your pictures or make your comments, I'm most likely watching...and I'm happy for you. Okay and possibly a little jealous, or making fun of you, just a little bit.

Tae Bo...where there's a will there's a way!

2008-05-29T21:24:00.003-06:00

So...I love my baby. He is precious and magical. But labor and delivery sucked. What's more, the after effects of pregnancy are just downright depressing. Especially right after. I mean you're all puffy, you're in pain, you're tired. It's like you just went through the most traumatizing yet wonderful experience, and then you have to take care of this whole other person. And you're so worried about them. Every little cough and sound they make you worry. And if they don't make any sounds you worry. After 3 months, the worry lessens as they grow and you know they are tougher than before, but still...you worry. I mean, this worrying...I don't think it will every go away. On top of all this...you're body is like wrecked. At least at first. (Happily most things go back to normal, but not at first.) You come home and you still look pregnant but you're not...so basically you're just fat. It's sort of a let down. No clothes fit, except your dreaded maternity clothes, which you are so sick of by now you would fuel your own bonfire with them given the chance.

Now, I love my husband, and I think boys are great. They're sweet. But sometimes you just want to strangle them. I mean, they eat anything they want and they don't change, or retain water, or look any different. And if they want to lose weight, they stop drinking soda for a week and lose like ten pounds. Like my brother...he's like "I think I lost weight this week, I wonder why?" Then he realizes..."Oh it's cause I mixed in some salads." Riiiiight. Or they just stay fat and no one cares, especially not you, because guys can be fat and still be cute. Infuriating. But us women, we have the babies, are required to gain obscene amounts of weight while pregnant and then are expected to shed this weight immediately after we shoot the kid out, and do it while taking care of a new baby. I mean we pressure ourselves really because who doesn't want their husband to be stoked on them still? Not only do we go through all the pains of pregnancy and endure the changing of our bodies, the weight gain, and the water retention, but then we are expected to look hot again as soon as possible, because let's face it, being a girl and being fat will never be cute. Not the way a little pudge around the sides or a tummy is on a boy. I don't know maybe I'm the only person that thinks that's cute. But I digress...my point is I think we have it harder than the men in the body department and they will never really understand. But at the same time, I wouldn't give up the experience of carrying my child for the world. It has made me stronger in ways I can't express and I know I am healthier because of the exercise that I am forcing myself to do. And I don't think I'd like it if roles were reversed...let's be honest...boy parts are kinda weird. I don't think I'd like having one.

Myself, I am doing Tae Bo day in and day out, drinking a vat of water a day, and trying to eat just enough to make the milk I need for my child and nourish me enough to make it through the day. I'm gonna share something...when I'm doing my workout...I cry sometimes. Ya not because I'm sad, but because it's so freaking hard that I have to cry, maybe swear a little, all the while dripping sweat and listening to Billy Blanks tell me that "Where there's a will there's a way...and You gotta give a little to get a little..." Sometimes I pretend I'm punching the people in the video. You know those workout video people...they are soooo annoying aren't they? All peppy and yelling "yah" and jumping around like they are so excited and energetic and not even tired, while you are curled up in the fetal position in front of the TV. I guess when you watch something over and over it starts to seriously grate on your nerves, and coupled with physical pain and suffering you get extremely annoyed. At least I do.

I'm proud to say that despite hating the people on the video I have lost 45 pounds in 3 months and hopefully am losing more as we speak. I am fitting into my jeans again...which is really the only thing that is important to me. That and fixing my now National Geographic boobs (courtesy of breast feeding) some day. So I have ten more pounds to go before I will have lost the 55 that I gained while pregnant. Ya I said 55...look don't judge until you've been there. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Just One More Whine About Pregnancy

2008-01-09T20:35:00.001-07:00

So I have to gripe about pregnancy just a bit more. Since what I thought was bad has now graduated to much worse. I thought I was swollen, but that was until my feet started to look like the feet of a cartoon character, or a baby. You know, how the toes come out of the middle of the foot if you look at it from the side, instead of the bottom. And recently I have brought new meaning to the word kankles. Just call me Fred Flinstone. In all honesty, my feet aren't always that swollen, but on the days I eat something mildly salty or don't drink enough water they are. Ya I have to sit down in the shower to shave my legs now. I can't reach down that far...stomach is way too big. And the first showings of stretch marks are rearing their ugly heads down below my belly button. It'll definitely be a while before I can bring sexy back that's for sure. Not to mention I haven't seen my feet or my you know what while standing in a good month or two. And you haven't really lived until you've had the pleasure of waking up every two hours with cotton mouth from having to breath with your mouth open because your nose is clogged. As well as having to pee each time as well. And you can ask John about my snoring. Apparently it's as deafening as his, one time I found him out on the couch because he couldn't fall asleep with my nose symphony playing out next to him. I felt pretty bad but there's really nothing I can do about it. I basically always fall asleep before him now. I never last past the first fifteen to twenty minutes of a movie anymore. But I am excited. And every time I feel the baby squirm around I get a little more ready for him. Even though now I get his butt shoved up into my ribs daily and have a harder and harder time breathing as my lung capacity is compressed. But we have almost finished the nursery and everything is pretty much ready for the little guy to arrive. I find myself going in there just to look around and picture how things will be. The cute thing is, as scared about it as I know John is, just tonight I was in the kitchen and I saw the light go on in the baby's room. I thought John was changing, but then I heard the little lullaby on the mobile turn on and John didn't emerge for a good five minutes. That melted my heart. It's good to know he's excited too and that even though sometimes I feel like I'm going through all the pain and sacrifice, we're in this together. And I'm so happy that I am able to go through these pains and sacrifice to have our baby for me and for John. So I guess I have to remember that the body I will have is that of a mother, and that is a pretty noble thing. Although, let's hope I can turn it into a smokin' hot mom body after this is done. Ya...amen to that.

Guitar Heroes Everywhere I Salute You

2008-01-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

So I am about to eat some crow as I write this blog. I should really start at the very beginning. A long time ago when no one really knew what guitar hero was, or I didn't at least, one of my friends had this roomate who was, let's just say it...really weird. I mean the kid acted weird, he looked weird, he was just awkward typical nerdy kid. Well more than just typical nerdy... but anyways, I digress. Anyhow when a bunch of us would come over to watch 24 on Mondays, this kid would sometimes be in the front room playing guitar hero. And we would rip on him mercilessly (not to his face of course), but I mean... along the lines of "what is up with that kid and his little toy guitar and why is he always acting like he's rocking out?" "He's so weird." Sometimes it was all I could do to suppress the laughter upon entrance to the apartment. On that note, we just bought guitar hero. And I have to say it is seriously fun. Basically I have been playing for at least 2 to 3 hours a day. I'm without a doubt addicted to rocking out on my little toy guitar. And I realize those odd jerks of the guitar that I thought so funny when that nerdy kid was playing are actually necessary to get bonus points. And after you do those moves, the crowd roars for you and it actually feels pretty good. It almost makes you feel like...dare I say it...a hero?! The beauty of it is that it never gets old, because you can always up the difficulty level if you find yourself bored. I play on medium now and I have to say my raw talent for this game is awe inspiring. I even beat John. I credit this talent to years of playing the cello and moving my fingers and wrist in odd ways. So as John shakes out his hand, wrist and fingers after each song he plays, I feel no pain. I can play for hours and the satisfaction I get after finishing a song and achieving the high score is almost euphoric. But even more than the score is the pure joy in hitting all the notes and feeling like you're actually playing a real song on your guitar. John is playing as I'm writing this and it's safe to say I'm still better. I know this because my records are in tact. That's basically why I'm down here. To ensure they stay that way. Usually I suck at all video games so I feel no guilt in my triumph over him at this one. Normally I won't even allow myself to play them at all, because they are a waste of time. The only way I can justify this one is that I'm supposed to be laying down as much as possible (because I'm 8 and half months prego..and ya) doctors orders. And I can only study for the RD exam for so long before I go crazy. So this is a nice little release. And the days have never gone by faster. That in and of itself is worth it's weight in gold, since the last month of your pregnancy usually drags pretty hard core. Or so I've noticed. Anyways...I'd just like to say that I am now that nerdy kid, aside from the weird looking face and general lack of social skills. So keep the power ballads coming. And guitar heroes everywhere...I salute you.

For Under Appreciated Husbands Everywhere

2007-10-22T09:12:00.001-06:00

I would just like to add addendum to my previous note. I'd like to say that through all this pregnancy crap John (my husband) has been wonderful. He has been supportive and loving and taken all my bursts of sobs, extreme hatred toward random strangers, and hopelessness at my growing stomach, with a grain of salt. Like the time he was leaving for work and I just started crying for really no reason at all that I even know of, but the tears just kept flowing and flowing and I couldn't stop. Or the time I just didn't like the way this one family in the doctor's waiting room looked and sat quietly plotting their demise because the husband was a goth and wearing a world of warcraft sweatshirt, and their baby was still in it's pajamas and they were having another one, that no doubt our taxes are paying for. Or the time that I freaked out after we went to Target because my wedding ring doesn't fit anymore and ya...He always knows the right thing to do and say even when it's the usual correct answer to "How do I look." I'm sure he's thinking, "Well your butt is like three times as big as normal and your face looks kind of puffy and you're starting to look more and more like a house." But of course he says..."You look beautiful," and "Your stomach is so cute." The really awesome part is that I actually think he does still think I'm pretty which is pretty cool. Not that I think I'm devastating now, but watching your body change and grow isn't the easiest thing to have happen. So it is my hope that everyone out there can find or has as cute of a husband as I do who buys you new clothes and glasses and perfume when you feel down, and works so hard, and makes you feel like you are still a princess, even when you feel like an ogre. Without them, pregnancy would suck like fifty times more than it does. And I wanted to write this because I don't think that I tell him enough. I'm sure he thinks that he does nothing right, when in actuality he has been perfect. Which makes me think that there are lots of people out there I need to tell that I appreciate them and their magicalness. I think I will. P.S. What IS up with World of Warcraft and all the losers who think it's cool? Or all the guys that wear girls jeans. FYI you look ridiculous, I don't care if it's in style. I freaking hate all that crap.

If Only for the Kid

2007-10-19T21:54:00.000-06:00

I'm just so pregnant. I always looked forward to getting pregnant when I was younger, excited about the prospect of being a mom, and I guess I had visions of myself as this cute little pregnant lady who would be in style and wear cute little clothes with a basketball just sticking out my shirt. And though I'm still excited at the prospect of being a mom, the wonderful vision of a cute pregnancy has quickly faded into the reality of what my pregnancy really is, a fat pregnancy. That's right. I went to the doctor a couple days ago for my sixth month appointment. And I gained too much weight this month. Having looked at pictures of myself just before I got pregnant it is definitely true. But isn't it the slow and steady weight gain that just scares the crap out of you? The kind that you don't really notice and don't really mind until you wake up one morning and you're shopping at Lane Bryant? (This has not happened to me yet...and hopefully I will lose at least ten right when the baby comes out, I'm just illustrating a point.) It's not the weight gain that bothers me so much, though, because if it was just that pregnancy would rock. Eat what you want, feel great, pop out a kid nine months later. What really makes it unbearable is the inability to do anything that you normally do. From what you eat to how you sleep, to the in style fashions you just can't wear, or the tanning booth you can't go to, the colors you can't dye your hair, the high heels that hurt way too much now, the hot tubs you can't swim in, or rides you can't ride, sports you can't play, and drugs (prescription people) you can't take, pregnancy seems like a long list of probably shouldn'ts, can'ts and definitely do nots, unless you want your kid to die, be deformed or retarded in some way, or die yourself. The sugar on top has been that I can't wear my wedding ring anymore. Ya, it doesn't fit. My hands are too swollen/fat (along with my ankles, feet and basically face.) So now I look like I got knocked up and have no husband. Don't get me wrong, it's great too, there's lots of wonderful moments. Like the first time you see the baby on the ultrasound, or when you feel him kick, or see the look on your husband's face when he feels the baby move for the first time. It's all really magical and special. Maybe some people have it much easier and love everything about their pregnancy. (Probably the basketball stomach people who don't gain weight any place else besides their baby.) But I have to just tell myself that it will be over one day, and then I will be able to starve myself and go tanning like all normal people. Until then, I will press on in my three pairs of pants and two skirts that still fit me, and continue to endure whatever this pregnancy thing throws at me, if only for the kid. Only four more months...

Men, Women, DirecTV and Stress Relief

2007-09-03T21:41:00.000-06:00

So the latest happenings in my life are pretty dull. I am steadily growing larger in the stomach region and the booty region and everywhere in between...and just been trying to study for my dietetics boards. Really the most amusing part of my life has been John lately. Well, if you look at it that way, which I definitely do. So John has been working a lot of late, as usual, but this weekend in particular, since they had a big sale. He's basically really burnt out of work and needs a vacation. I just want to preface this tasty little snack of humor by telling you that I can only remember one other time that John has gotten as mad as I'm about to describe, and when these situations happen it's all I can do to stifle the laughter at the absurdity and hilarity of his antics. He's rarely mad at me, usually work or some other situation so it makes it easy for me to get a good seat and watch without fault or blame. So that one other time, he couldn't find his keys and he was really late for work. So he was essentially moving through the house like a tornado, looking in places that his keys would never be like under my pile of clothes on the chair. But neverless each item of clothing was effortlessly tossed in the air and across the room as a child would throw up leaves from a freshly raked pile. He then madlly searched our bedroom and the rest of the house. It got to the point where he was just throwing things out of place just from sheer frustration. And it's mean of me but it was all I could do not to laugh. When he finally left I moved through the house after him restoring order similar to the way the women of the house in Mary Poppins did after the colonel down the street fired his canon off the roof. But I digress...the point of this particular entry is to talk about the DirecTV "mishap." So John came home after a particularly stressful day and sat down on the bed to relax and watch TV, when the DirecTV remote started malfunctioning. I don't think it was really working at all. And this wasn't the first time we had had problems with our tv, satelite, phone and internet, all through direcTV. So, I'm calmly sitting on the bed when all of a sudden John throws the remote on the floor as hard as he can screaming "Gosh dang it!!!!" Or something to that effect. I am totally shocked and basically frozen with amazement and wonder, when he throws it down again as hard as he can and before I know it bits of plastic are flying everywhere and the whole remote has split apart into atleast 6 pieces...the inside, the rubber buttons, the two outer shells and some other broken plastic shards. So as I am picking up plastic, I calmly inquire why he has just destroyed the remote, because up until this point I had not even realized that it wasn't working. To this question he replies (in an almost surpisingly calm voice after what just happened)..."Well DirecTV doesn't cover the remote control, you have to pay for it, so if it's going to be broken it might as well be BROKEN." "I see, okaaay." RIIIIIGHT. So he calls DirecTV to cancel or whatever or get something done about the crap service. I kind of tuned out for most of the phone call, but tuned back in when I hear..."About the remote...you don't need that back if you give us a new one right, because I sort of dropped it on the floor to see if that might make it work better." To this I burst out laughing and I think I said to the dogs..."Actually he smashed the crap out of it because he's a rage-a-holic isn't he Maya." To which we both start laughing and I get the "Shhhhh!" So I guess the moral is....sometimes you just need to smash the crap out of something to relieve stress. I think it might be more of a male need, because I would much prefer to sleep or read to relax. But the remote smashing is something that reminds me of the Cromagnon men that we learned about in Junior high that we were supposed to have evolved from who tried to make fire and jumped around and got angry like monkeys would. I don't believe in evolution in that way, but when our men act like this I can see how other people can find the similarities. I'm sure us women do some pretty interesting things as well that no man will ever understand, just like we don't always understand them. But I guess until I do, I'm content to sit back and enjoy the show. Because it's always a good time.

I guess I'm a nerd after all

2007-08-01T18:32:00.000-06:00

I've just been reading Harry Potter. I read the last two books (the ones they haven't made movies of yet) and I have now joined the ranks of those I used to ridicule. But I haven't read all of them, so I'm not a super huge geek, but I have to say the last two were pretty good and I read them both in 4 days. That's like 1400 pages folks. Why couldn't I read like that in college? I guess text books don't turn the pages as easily as "the boy who lived," if you will. Yes, I said "if you will." So now I have to figure something else out to do. Besides puke up my breakfast and take long naps, I mean. Naturally those things are my first priority. But once I have them taken care of, I'm pretty bored the rest of the day. Anywho...just wanted to pass on some of my new found dorkiness and say that Harry is pretty awesome and if you don't think so I'll put a killing curse on you! ("Avada Kedavra!") Ha ha ha...I think that was too much. I'm going to stop while I have some dignity left. Actually the funny thing about that is, I was reading the book, and John's totally into them, but the movies, cause he doesn't really have much time or patience for reading. So I was explaining some part in the book and I told him "ya and then that guy put that killing curse on him! You know...wait what is it again? (Mostly talking to myself trying to find the passage in the book) But before I had even turned the page John says really matter of factly like I'm the stupidest person in the world..."A-va-da Kedavra." I'm like ya that, then I burst out laughing because that was pretty much the dorkiest moment in his life since the time he told me during the Superman movie, with the same matter of fact tone, that Gotham city and Metropolis were in the same universe. I however, did not realize that, one being batman, the other superman. Well what is marriage for, if not to rub off our inner dorkiness on each other. I think my dad once told me while I was in high school that every one is a dork in their own way, even the really cool people who never show that side of themselves to the masses. Then I asked my friend Jordan, who was definitely popular if that was true, to which he replied, "No, cause I'm not a dork...at all." And I couldn't really argue. Oh well, as an adult I've embraced my inner dork. And it took me a long time to do it, but I'm okay with it now. Sometimes I wonder if that's what growing up is, not necessarily learning more or becoming a different person, but becoming okay with the person you already were. And I think I have, finally.

No, it was not an accident. Surprise? Not to me.

2007-07-25T21:32:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's true folks. Not only was I the first girl in my graduating class to actually commit to someone and tie the knot, but now I will be the first girl to have a child (in wedlock that is). Do miracles never cease? Well, I'll share the story of how all this began. So John and I had been married for about 5 months, and the whole time I'd been doing my internship. So of course I'd been stressed, and tired and just thought that my somewhat depressed and somber mood and sudden tearful outbursts were only the work of a lot of change as well as two people with different schedules, new jobs and no time. When one night John and I decided that I was not myself and basically that is was the birth control that I was on. Which was the Nuva Ring. So after a convo about all my weird personality changes, like depression ( I'm always happy), sadness even when I wanted to be happy (seriously we were on vacation), random tearful outbursts over nothing (one night john didn't say I love you and goodnight, so I turned over to have a good cry about it), and other general crazy mood swings, including headaches, fatigue and just wanting to rip people's heads off.

One time, when I was still a lunch lady for my internship, this little first grader was moving through the line with the speed of a special olympic hurdler. And he had a look on his face to match. It was all I could do not to tap on the glass in my fit of Nuva Ring rage and yell "Move it along you little terd!" When I started experiencing the inner fiery rage towards complete strangers on the street, just because of the look on their faces, or their slower than normal left hand turn, I knew something was up. But it was not until that night that I realized when John and I were discussing it, that I truly was crazy. And I felt crazy. So that month I took out the Nuva Ring. The next month all was well, then the month after that I found myself with child. I went to John's work because I could barely contain my excitement and told him. He was ecstatic, but didn't really believe me at first, since we hadn't been trying that long. But he was so happy and called his parents, and I called my mom. It was pretty special. Both families are pretty stoked.

So we had decided that night when I stopped the Nuva Ring that we would leave it up the big guy upstairs to decide when we got pregnant, having each known lots of people who took a long time to conceive, we figured we didn't want to be stuck at 30 with no baby. Little did we know that we are two of the most fertile people on the planet. So I guess next time we'll take more precautions. But we essentially didn't take any after that decision. Then one night John was telling his best friend that we were pregnant. I only heard one side of the convo, but this is what I heard. John: "Ya man, she's pregnant!" "Ya we're pretty excited." "Ya it was a surprise." To last part I couldn't help but burst out laughing. I'm like "It wasn't a surprise!" We knew this was going to happen...we were having unprotected sex. A lot. To which John's like "Well it was a surprise to me!"

But he's elated...as long as it's a boy. LOL. Atleast that's what he keeps telling me. Something along the lines of teaching him to pee in the snow or on the wall or something. You know boy stuff, penises, manliness. All subjects that elude me. But either way I'll be happy. I want whatever we're having and I'm sure I'll love it no matter what. So today we heard the heart beat, which was really fast, but normal apparently. And I'm supposed to maybe be able to feel it now or soon. Which I thought was hilarious, because the doctor's like..have you felt the baby yet? I'm like, "I don't know what does it feel like?" And she replies, well it might either feel like a gas bubble moving, or like a butterfly fluttering real low down there in your abdomen." So I'm like, "Well I might have, I mean I have a lot of gas." But come on! How am I supposed to distinguish between gas and a baby. Even though ever since then I've found myself stopping and muting the TV, yelling at the dogs to stop licking themselves, and concentrating real hard to see if I can feel anything. But then I come to my senses and realize I'm insane. I did think I felt something at one point, but then I just had to fart. So most likely NOT the baby.

But anyways, it's been an interesting ride so far. Morning sickness sucks. It shouldn't be called morning sickness, it should be called stop eating sickness, because it comes whenever I'm about to eat something I've really been looking forward to, ruining the meal for me. All for the best I guess, the more I can slow the growth rate of my butt cheeks the better, and just when I thought my boobs couldn't get any bigger...they have now started growing outward in a cone shape, like the Madonna video. If I lived in the fifties I'd fit right in I think. So needless to say I never leave my room without a bra on. Cause I did one morning to take the dogs out and got some pretty interesting looks from the neighbors. But I'll say this, I doubt the baby will have any trouble latching on when the time comes to breast feed. Well I'm sure that's too much info. But anyways I guess I better end this blog, it's pretty rambly and incoherent. Enjoy your thin bodies, and shirts that don't ride up while you can!

It's been a while...

2007-06-03T13:34:00.001-06:00

Hey all, sorry I haven't written in a while, but I just wrote a long one about what I've been up to recently on our other blog John and Margan. There's a link off to the right. John writes on there too. So check it out!

Thought for the Week: Why do we say "A penny for your thoughts," but then someone has to "put in their two cents." ? Where does the other cent go? To taxes? Riiiight.

This Very Christmas Night

2006-12-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

So...I'm sitting here in American Fork Hospital on Christmas Day next to my husband of a little over one week. John is laying here recovering from an emergency appendectomy. The honeymoon is definitely over...but not necessarily in a bad way. He had been sick all last night with what seemed to be either food poisoning or a bad stomach flu. He was adamant about not going to the doctor. However around noon today, the pain started to worsen in his stomach. And when he looked at me and said "The pain is getting worse baby," with the voice of a scared little boy I told him we were going to the doctor. I didn't care what his objections on the subject were And in that same scared whisper he said "okay." And as we were waiting in the emergency room and he was crying in pain, I knew it was good we had come. Which by the way...I've never understood that. It's called the emergency room, yet you wait? Isn't emergency by definition mean urgency? And the staff there walk around like they've got all the time in the world. That has got to be the most frustrating thing of the whole deal. We're sitting in the waiting room and this person who appears to be fine gets in before us, because he came five minutes earlier, while John is clearly doubled over in pain. Ridiculous. I would have done anything to have been the one in pain instead of him. You honestly know that you care for someone with everything you are when you can't bear the thought of them suffering in any way. Finally he got some pain meds and some care, and just in time too because I couldn't watch him squirm anymore. They ran some tests and his appendix was inflammed so they decided it needed to come out and six hours from the time we arrived at the hospital he is out of surgery and recovering. So Christmas eve I walked the dogs alone, ate potstickers and nursed my sick husband. And Christmas day I've been at the hospital most of the day. But now that John is safe and out of surgery and they got his appendix out just in time, a sense of what Christmas is truly about and an awe at the many blessings I have, has been renewed in me this Christmas night. While John was in so much pain and we didn't know why and then when he was in surgery I knew exactly how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. The thought of him leaving me seemed so unfair and cruel. But I wasn't thinking about the Christmas dinner and festivities that we missed with my family, or the presents and the fun we could have been having right then. All I could think about was John and my need for him to be okay. And I can see already how this experience has brought us closer together and even showed John how much he loves me too. So while I would never want him to have had to go through this, I am grateful that we did. Because Christmas isn't about ribbons or presents or trees or lights or good food. It's about Christ and his birth and ultimately his sacrifice for us, so that he could take away any sin or heartache or pain that we would have to endure. And I have felt the power of that sacrifice on this night, this very Christmas night, in a hospital room in American Fork, Utah.

A Brush with Danger

2006-11-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

So today was Thanksgiving. I woke up and went over to Johns to start making rolls and jello and some other stuff I was supposed to bring to our family thanksgiving at my brothers. I decided to shower later on at Johns so that I could start on the food I had to make. That was my first mistake. So I make the rolls and then go to take a shower while they rise, before putting them in the oven. After getting out of the shower and dressed I realize that I forgot a brush. So I go to John's bathroom to see if he has one. All he has is one of those hard bristled skinny round brushes from like 1985. I hestitated, but I was in a bind and in a hurry so I pick up the brush and begin to quickly start brushing my messed up toweled dry hair. I started with the front, combing it forward to make sure my bangs got brushed through first. Then all of a sudden I can't move the brush or get it out of my hair. I HONESTLY have NO IDEA how this happened. Perhaps a sudden wrong twist of my wrist or something, or on the up stroke my hair was still in the brush so it just wrapped around those old little plastic bristles. So I pull on it and then twist it one way, then the other, to try to see just HOW my hair is still caught in this brush. But every movement seems to tighten the brush more securely to the base of my scalp. By this time I begin to panic. I have a wedding 3 weeks away and all I can imagine is having to cut this dang brush out of my head leaving a huge bald patch on the top of my head. So naturally the tears are flowing down my cheeks and I am running down stairs, all the while trying to pull the brush out of my hair, which might as well be glued to the front of my head at this point. I wake John out of his Turkey Day nap on the couch with my exasperated pounding down the stairs, and whinning cry. He calmly asks me what's wrong and what's happened and hugs me and tells me its going to be okay. So we go upstairs so he can try to get it out.

After forty minutes and one break down in the middle, where I exclaimed amid a mass of sobs "We're both going to have a bald spot at the wedding!" and a few other fits of rage John has pulled all the bristles out of the brush with his pliars, and I've soaked my hair in a bowl of water to loosen the brush. I was finally free with a mangled mess of hair resembling a small birds nest on the front of my head. So I re-wahsed my hair, pulling a couple of hand fulls out and half an hour later we're off to Thanksgiving dinner.

The moral of this story is do not ever, and I mean EVER use a hard little round brush that is only meant for guys. Guys who don't have that much hair in fact. Especially on Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for John that he took the time to get it out, while salvaging most of my hair, albeit at the expense of cutting off and tearing out the bristles from the brush he's literally had since junior high. Better it than me.

What a good boy

2006-10-05T21:26:00.000-06:00

So get this. John actually went and got a mystic tan, for all the crap he gave me and how grouchy he was he just went and did it. Gosh, I just really love that guy. But he didn't know you couldn't shower for six hours after, so he went to work smelling like tanning stuff and his toe nails are all gross looking because he didn't put on any barrier cream. Hilarious. Poor guy. Put he definitely rocks the Mystic Tan. I mean he looks good. I mean really good. I wanna be friends with him. Or maybe more?

Diet Coke Crackheads, Runaway Nagging Trains and the Morning Grouch

2006-10-02T17:10:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy! Planning a wedding is so stressful! I wish we could just elope. Like this morning, I realized that the day we're taking our engagement pictures will NOT be a good day for me, if you know what I mean. As much as I would love to be covered in zits and looking like a bloated cow, just like every other time we've taken important pictures it might be better if we moved them up. (The time we went to my house and to San Francisco, when John proposed, and now...our engagement pictures...which are not cheap.) So excuse me for freaking out a little bit and wanting to change it to this wednesday instead of next. But that throws a wrench in all my other plans because my mom is arriving that day and we had the day all planned to look at dresses and pick invitations. So I call John this morning from work, in a panic (probably because I had just drank way to much diet coke, so I'm talking as fast as a crackhead after their morning fix) and ask him if he can quickly go get a haircut and a spray on tan this morning before he goes to work at one. (I don't care what he looks like...I love him and it doesn't matter, however I do know him well enough to know that when I am tan and my teeth are white and he looks like Powder standing next to me in the pictures he will hate them. ) So in reality I'm looking out for his better interests. I think he'll look great no matter what, but he is a slightly harsher critic, anyways...I digress. So John's not really a morning person...and I can tell I'm seriously throwing a wrench in his morning of lounging around watching TV as he wakes up before he goes to work at one. And I can hear my voice and the way I'm talking, but I just can't stop. I felt like a runaway train full of anxiety and nagging. (Which normally isn't me). "Okay did you put the wash in the dryer yet? I don't want it to smell like mildew...How are the dogs?...So can you go get Mystic tan and a haircut?" By which I get the annoyed, raspy, "just woken up voice" reply of..."What's a mystic tan? How long does that take? I'll get my haircut on Wednesday morning, cause I have to go to Terri, I won't go to sucky Supercuts!" And I reply in an equally annoyed tone, "a mystic tan is a spray on tan...but professional! It takes like five seconds, gosh!" But then I feel so bad for bugging him, so I'm like "I'm sorry just do whatever you want"...and continually in the crackhead voice..."Are you mad? Don't be mad..you're annoyed aren't you...okay well I'll let you go." To which I know John's like "hallelujah you psycho..." But he just replies..I'm not mad, why would I be. okay talk to you later...So we get off the phone, but I just feel like a loser who just bugged the crap out of her fiance for no apparent reason. But I guess that's what diet coke can do to you in the morning hours. And what a wedding to plan can do. And I am still so mad about the pictures, but I can't call them till tomorrow because they're closed on Mondays. And on top of it I think i'm getting sick. So I guess we'll just have to leave the pictures where there are. Anyways the moral of this story is...don't call your fiance and bug them unless it is absolutely necessary. In my defense I thought it was. But I was wrong. Cause nothing is important enough to talk to John about while he's still waking up. Especially by a wedding crazed lunatic like myself. Trust me. It's a recipe for annoyance on both sides. But really who can blame the guy, I ambushed him. I just wish I hadn't cause I love him and I don't want to annoy him, ever. But that's pretty unrealistic.

Princess Maya

2006-09-07T20:05:00.000-06:00

So John bought me a dog. Her name is Maya. She's a dog we got from this family who's child was allergic. The sad thing is that the family loves this dog, which they should because she's really sweet and smart and cute. So they don't want to give her up but evertime their kid gets near it they practically have to take her to the emergency room. So we went to look at her last week. And we took Frank, John's dog, with us to see if they would get along before we decided anything. So we go to the Woodman's house and Frank and Maya are just playing and running around the yard, getting along great. So we decide we're going to go talk about it and we'll get back to them. We say our goodbyes and leave and as we are walking away from the house, towards my brother's house which is three houses down, John says, "Well do you like her?" And of course my reply is "Ya I love her!" To which he says, "But do you want her?" And I'm like well ya! So John is like "Ok," and turns around to go tell them right then. So we tell them and John gets his check book while they get her stuff together. So then we get back to the house and of course the mom totally starts crying and hugging the dog and then the little kids start crying and stuff. And she's apologizing and then big surprise, John starts tearing up. And all the while I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable. (I'm not a cryer, atleast not a sympathy cryer. I cry when it makes sense for my life.) Ok...so they're all blubbering and I'm like "Well we should probably get going." In the nicest most sympathetic tone possible but inside my body was screaming ahhhh, awkward get me out of here. We're taking this poor family's dream dog from them, let's not draw it out anymore than we have to. So I'm trying to act like it's cute that everyone is crying because I really don't know what else to do with myself. So what seems like an eternity later, we are walking out the door with my new cuddly present. Merry Christmas to me! And since the dogs get along really well. They like to play quite a bit and sometimes get a little worked up but it's great because it tires them out.

I GOT ENGAGED!!!!

2006-08-22T09:12:00.000-06:00

Well...it's happened folks. A Neumarker girl is getting married. And it is magical. So John and I went to Disneyland yesterday. We're here in So Cal visiting John's parents. So when we got to the park I told John, "Hey let's go take a picture in front of the castle." You have to have a picture of that. And he's like "No no, we'll do that later." So I didn't really think anything of it but I'm like alright fine. Then later in the day I ask again and he keeps putting me off, and then later again and he's like we'll do it at like dusk, better lighting. Ok...so then we eat dinner and then he's like getting all excited about the picture. He's like "You wanna go take the picture now, let's go take the picture in front of the castle." And at that point I'm like whatever I don't care about the picture anymore, but fine let's go I guess. So his parents were with us and John's like oh let's get one of the professional people to take one and I'm like why? Your parents will just take a picture. So his dad is trying to get the camera ready and John will not take his hand out of his pocket, so that was the first moment I knew something was up he kept a lid on it pretty long. I had no freaking clue. And so then in front of the Magic Kingdom John got down on bended knee and started crying (I didn't, I'm not a cryer, ok?) and he said "Will you marry me?" and I said "yes." And then people were clapping and cheering and then we kissed like in a fairy tale. Yep. It was magical...at the Magic Kingdom. And the ring fits perfectly. He surprised me with the whole thing I had no idea he was going to do it then. He had told me the day before that "Maybe...we could go look at rings to try some on," and he couldn't even say rings when he told me that so I figured it would be a while till he got comfortable but it was all part of the ploy to foil me. So ya it worked. The only bad thing is I looked sick cause we went on this rapids ride and my hair got all wet and then I'm like fat so that's not cute either, but oh well high five for love I guess. P.S. Check out the John and Margan link to the right to see more pictures of the magical day.

High Five for Love

2006-08-06T18:07:00.000-06:00

I'm happy to say that I'm in love. I mean I just love that guy. I think he's most like his favorite candy...M&Ms. He has a tough outer shell, but just a gooey soft chocolatey inside. And I like it. I just want to shout it from the top of a moun-tain...but I don't have a mountain I have this blog. So the story in Margan's world is Margan loves John. That's from Anchorman, sort of. It's funny cause whenever I think of me and John I always want to say this one line from Anchorman where he says "Veronica and I had sex and now we are in LOOOOOVE!!!!" and it's so funny how he says it...all excited with the love all elongated and he throws his arms out and I can totally relate except for the having sex part. We as mormons believe in waiting until marriage before having sex. But as you can imagine this can be very frustrating especially when you're trying to stay as far from the line as possible. But since I do love him and I really can't express it any other way than saying it...I feel like I'm saying it all the freaking time. Like I love you, hey I love you, bye see ya later, I love you...hey did I tell you I love you? Ya...ok. And he does the same thing. Sometimes I'm like gosh we are so cheesy, I hate myself. But high five for love right? It's an inside joke between us...and that's really the beauty...everyone else is just, well...on the outside.

Bathroom Adventures

2006-07-13T17:36:00.000-06:00

So today I go into the bathroom at work where, mind you, only one of the two toilets flushes properly. So I go in and open the handicapped stall (the working one) and this girl is sitting on the pot. For a couple seconds we share that awkward "what is happening right now?" stare, until I realize this stall is occupied, and quickly shut the door saying "I'm so sorry!" To make matters so much better she's in my region, so she sits near me but she's new so I've never seen her before today. And in my sad attempt at making things better I say "I guess we're closer now! Uhh..sorry I didn't see anything." And then instead of waiting for the bathroom I just couldn't take the awkardness and bounce. So I'm back at my desk, still needing to pee...so I wait for about ten more minutes and then I go back to the bathroom. Except I walk in and it smells horrible. The whole bathroom is full of crap smell. I'm talking HOT SICK you know what. So obviously I'm disgusted and can I just say, for me nothing is worse than sitting down in a stall where there's still a hint of poop smell from the previous occupant. Ok, and that said, I wasn't even IN the stall yet. So right as I walk in and smell it I'm like "UHHHHH, yuck!" totally loud and start coughing. (I have a really sensetive gag reflex). Then I pull the door to the stall and it's locked! The person was still in there! I felt kinda bad but not really since once again I had to bag going pee so that I wouldn't start throwing up right on the bathroom floor. So I leave once again and go back to my desk...I told my friend Emilie and we were laughing pretty hard. She's like poor person in there! And I'm like are you kidding? Poor me! So I still had to pee but I couldn't chance going back in there again.

Happy Birthday Jules!!!

2006-06-30T03:40:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to give a shout out to my BFFFFFFF Julia Burgonarker!!! Happy Birthday dude! You're the best. Hope it was a great day! Sorry I couldn't be there!

Every Cowboy Sings a Sad Sad Song

2006-06-30T03:25:00.000-06:00

So there's a 6 year age difference between me and my boyfriend. And normally, it doesn't get in the way at all. But I got into his car today (I'm driving his BMW because I got in a car accident and my car is being fixed...long story for another time, but he doesn't need his car because his work lets him drive a demo.) and normally I listen to the radio but I was sick of it, so I thought hey, I'll see what's in the CD player. So low and behold I turn on this CD and the song that it's on is "Every Rose Has It's Thorn." I don't even know if that's what it's called but...you all know it...every night has it's dawn/just like every cowboy sings a sad sad song. Anyways that song isn't bad, but as I continue to skim through the songs it just gets worse and worse. The power ballads just keep coming at me with no warning. Until I hit..."Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby!!!! Baby, baby, baby, baby ohhhhh baby! At that moment I lost it and burst out laughing uncontrollably. I had to keep driving around for a little bit just so I could keep listening and try to comtemplate what this CD was. But really there's no comprehending it. I'm thinking to myself how old is he really? And what's with the depressing break up/heart break songs? Obviously left over from his last heartbreak. And then I'm thinking wow he's way more jacked from that than I thought. I guess it was funny because I pictured him all depressing out the window listening to this crap and the mental picture was just hilarious, because these songs would never be my choice for sad music. They're way too cliche. But all I could do was laugh, because if I kept listening to those songs I'd probably start crying. Not from the touching lyrics or powerful guitar solos, but from the fact that it was there at all.

2006-06-13T16:37:00.000-06:00

I haven't been writing because I didn't realize people still read this thing. But apparently they do...so I'll try to keep it going folks. I miss all you guys out in PA.

Random question to ponder: When was the last time you cried?

Nordstrom's Mirrors are Just Sub Par

2006-06-13T16:21:00.000-06:00

Ok I just went to Nordstroms. And I am mad. What's the deal with dressing rooms where the light is so bad that you leave wanting to kill yourself? And feel like crap for the rest of the day to where you wonder why your boyfriend likes you at all. Or at least stop eating for the rest of your life. Ok, let's face it I'll be happy if I make it till the end of the day. Something about the 360 degree view of my butt in the mirror and every dimple of cellulite being visible (which I didn't think I had until today) just sort of put me off trying to squeeze myself into some new Sevens. Some thoughts that were running through my head: "I didn't realize I look like a man from the back." "These underwear don't fit as well as I thought." "Does my butt normally stick out like a shelf?" I bought plenty of other stuff while trying to pretend that this particular mirror had to be lying to me, because I'd never seen that person before now. Actually come to think of it I did the last time I went to Nordstrom's. It's probably time to get to the gym because having a day job is starting to pack it on. But listen that's beside the point because for how nice Nordy's is supposed to be...it's time to invest in some softer lighting, and possibly some more slimming mirrors. Because they just lost a customer.

College vs. High School

2006-05-30T17:50:00.000-06:00

I was just talking to one of my friends from high school about how much fun it was. We're both here at BYU and both agreed that college sucked compared to high school. Like when we got to the dorms it was like...what? There are rules? Boys can only come in my room during a 2 hour window on wednesday nights? And it's called visiting hours? What are we in a hospital? More like an insane asylum with all the weird momos walking to campus with their scriptures and walking around with smiles plastered on their faces the whole time. When I first got to BYU (and I thought I was a pretty happy person) it made me so mad how everywhere you went everyone was just smiling and skipping, chasing butterflies through the quad. It's like wipe that stupid grin off your face. I know you're thinking I'm devoid of the spirit. It's not that, I just don't smile ALL the time. But after a while I got used to it, instead of letting them ruin my day. Some of us need caffeine or some other mood altering drug to smile and giggle for no reason. I was more free in high school than I was through all of college. It's kind of ironic, you're supposed to branch out in college and grow, experience things. My college experience was more stifling than high school. I haven't decided if that was good or bad.

I'm Having Trouble With My TPS Reports...

2006-05-29T11:36:00.000-06:00

I think my favorite thing at work now is not having to talk to angry customers who are pissed because their salesman lied. When salesman lie, we have to deal with it. And I hate it. It's great now though, because I just do inventory and I rarely do CSR stuff, only when their busy. But I often feel like office space. I work in my cubicle, and I have stuff to do, but it's so true, so many times, you just stare at your screen and pretend your working. I come in, sit down at my cubicle, check my email, then my work outlook and then get started on stuff for the day, but always somewhere in there is some good staring blankly at the screen time, or I'll click the different tabs on the dish site. If I'm done with updates I'll do them again, or just keep a window up in case someone walks by and wonders if I'm working. I mean I usually am, but there are times that everything is done...and is it my fault that I'm a fast worker? I don't think so. But let's all ponder this question...Can dead end jobs turn even the most industrious and innovative minds into slackers? Interesting...

CSR Adventures

2006-05-08T17:55:00.000-06:00

So this lady calls work today and she's a total punk...and she's mad for some reason...but I answer the phone and she's like.."I need to talk to someone, I've been calling and I feel misrepresented and I feel like the people who installed my dish left a BIG mess..." I don't know if I was just really tired or if it was how she said it but it was so funny I had to put her on mute so that she couldn't hear me laughing because I totally got the giggles. Seriously I was laughing so hard...I guess just because she was another white trash sounding caller that didn't even know what she was saying...Seriously, "misrepresented" by whom? Dish? We don't represent you...It's like what the hell are you talking about? What she probably meant was that she felt like her salesman lied to her. Luckily I gave the call to my manager because she wanted to talk to someone "In-charge." Riiiight. I laughed for like ten more minutes after that too.

Texting Sucks

2006-05-06T21:08:00.000-06:00

What's up with texting? I'm so sick of it. I long for the days when I actually talked to my friends on the phone.

Born Again...

2006-05-05T12:57:00.000-06:00

I should probably explain the very last part of my previous post. We have this joke, sort of ever since high school because all my friends were born again christians, or presbyterian or something to that effect. And since then I've talked with numerous friends that are mormon about how they also had friends like that in high school. And to us Mormons who pray fervently with heads bowed, hands clasped and eyes closed with our very formal language the prayers of any other faith often seem informal and not serious at all, even humorous. So one time with some friends we started talking about this and then started imitating the prayers which are often uttered with open eyes, hands at sides and sound as if they are talking to their dad or some friend rather than a diety. And they often go something a little like this..." hey Lord, what's up we're just here, trying to be cool and play some music and just worship you Lord...so help us to do that okay? Awesome, cause we love ya Lord. Alright...in your name, Amen." And all this being in the most indifferent tone, especially the last part where the in your name Amen sounds more like a split second decision to purchase a soft drink rather than end a prayer with reverence. There are many things I don't understand in the Mormon religion and culture for that matter, but one I do appreciate is our respect and reverence for our Savior. And other religions prayers often seem way to informal for me. I remember going with my friends to some of their activities and being so uncomfortable when the head youth leader would be looking around as he was praying and I only figured this out after my friend tapped me because I was the only one in the room who had my arms folded and head bowed. It was so weird. He just kept looking around, and I didn't know where to look and then we made eye contact. It's like how do you keep your train of thought? And I don't mean this in a condescending way at all. I felt stupid because I had no idea what was going on, since obviously all religions are different. Anyways...So it was in that mock tone that I chose to end my last post, because hey...I'm just trying to be cool here okay? Okay. And remember WWJD.

There are rainbows on every horizon

2006-05-05T12:46:00.000-06:00

So...lately it seems everyone is gay. I mean everyone. I have questions about a lot of people's sexuality here in Provo and it seems others are having the same experiences as me. So in light of this...I have a story to share. I just joined Gold's Gym. I have been a member of 24 for 5 years, so that was a hard thing for me to do, but there just isn't a 24 hour close to where I live now. So I happened to join when I went to the gym one night with this guy I just started dating. So after I sign up and stuff and they gave me a pretty good deal...the trainer (who I had a sneaking suspicion was gay) hands me his card. And then John (said guy I am dating who is a financial manager for a volkswagen dealership) hands the trainer his card and says "If you need anything, not that your gay and want a jetta or something." To which the trainer replies..."Well actually I am gay, and I do drive a jetta. Hee-hee." All I could say was, "oh, that's cute." Ridiculous. John felt so bad, but it was soooo funny. I laughed about it later during some free time I had. But the guy was just excited about it and actually wanted to trade in his jetta. So anyways...the moral of the story is...gay people are all around, even in the land Zion. So get used to it, cause they're just trying to be cool and have some fun okay? Okay. In your name, Amen.

2006-05-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

I met a boy...and I like him.

Counting Down

2006-04-21T14:52:00.000-06:00

So I'm at work..which so far is cake. I just wrote my last college paper and got paid to do it. The phone only rings like every half an hour if that, but then again I'm ony training and the Dish Summer Season hasn't started yet. So it will get busier. But anyhow...I'm moving to my brother's basement this saturday! Rock on! Not BYU approved rip off housing. As I am graduating next thursday I went and got my hair done yesterday. I told her I wanted it more blonde...somehow that translated to "give me hair like Gwen Stefani." I'm sure my mom will have a comment, but in truth I kind of like it. Also I've been trying to exercise to look better for pictures. But since I've been so busy I really haven't been able to. So my new motto is "If you can't lose it, tan it!" So my goal is to become a Christina Aguilera look a like by graduation. And I'm proud to say I'm half-way there. Amazing how being tan can melt away five pounds in minutes! It's obvious I live in the moment. But hey we're all gonna get cancer eventually anyways. I've come to terms with it. It's not a matter of if, but when and which one? My guess is I'll either get skin, ovarian or breast cancer. The only thing I can say is hopefully I'll lose some weight when I have to do chemo and it won't kill me. Well just one more final to tackle, then a picture slide show to create and I'm Audi 5000 from YBU? I mean BYU.

One Way to Graduation

2006-04-13T12:36:00.000-06:00

I haven't written in a while because I have been experiencing what I like to call hell week squared. The last two weeks of my college career before finals. And I don't really have finals I have projects. And to make the last two weeks just super fun I got deathly ill and my computer died for good...and took my biochem paper and another large assignment with it. I believe the guy who I paid 65 bucks to, so that nothing could be recovered told me it sounded like a dying remote control car. So I took some time that I already didn't have, to re-write those papers. Luckily it is all almost over. I only have about 3 more things to do that aren't too bad. Present my final project, do a take home final and I have one other final to take. But at this point, I feel kind of like a runner that is finishing a marathon, but at the very end is forced to sprint for 2 miles because someone is chasing him, and then bonks 1 mile before the finish line. I am that runner...dragging myself along the pavement. Even miniscule tasks such as filling out a questionnaire seem like mountains to climb. I've gone comatose. That metaphor would work even better if I was a runner. But I don't even like running. And I've never ran a marathon. I don't even know if I've run a mile. Just kidding. I do need to give a shout out to my sister Pickle who has totally helped me get through by being awesome and sending me all my favorite shows on DVD. I am now caught up completely with LOST!!!! what what! She's the bomb. I love it cause she's not working right now...by choice, cause she's that cool, so she makes me all these cool DVDs and stuff apart from doing her other job which is clean out my old german granparents old crap. I would like to include an excerp from an email she sent me...I was rolling on the floor. Nicole says: "my current job is going through a musty box of half german, half
english papers that opa maintained over the last 20 years of his life.
old brokerage statements that i'm going to have to shred...which is
such a joy. i'm so looking forward to that musty moldy pile of
shreddings, so i can bury my face in them on the way to the garbage
and have an asthmatic attack. then i'll go and cleanse my nasal
passages by pouring salty water through them with my ayurvedic
cleansing pot...and blow the musty snot out into the sink to avoid
said asthmatic attack." The funny thing is that I can totally picture this whole scene playing out but little Nicole, dutifully doing it just like Dad would. Wow...let's hear it for Nicole! Can I get a raise the roof?

Walking and talking, not as easy as it sounds...

2006-04-06T20:54:00.000-06:00

So last night I was talking to my mom on the phone. Just to preface this my mom kind of talks a lot and she always interrupts you while you're trying to tell her something. You'll be in the middle of a story and she'll ask some random question, and the whole time your thinking if you'd just let me finish you'd find out the answer to your question. So last night, I'm totally sick and I'm trying to finish a research paper that is due the next morning and I'm just trying to tell my mom about it but she keeps asking me these irrelevant questions about my internship and where I'm going to live this summer, blah blah and all the while I'm just trying to make it through the week. I don't have time to think about that yet. So I'm typing this paper while "listening" to her talk. But the most aggravating part is that I want to get off the phone because I'm about to collapse as it is, and she's walking the dog. So in between her talking there are intermittent bursts of really loud yelling "no tessa!, bad girl!...oh what a nice puppy." and then back to me, "sorry margs, anyways blah blah blah"...ten seconds later..."aaaahhhh, no no tessa!" then back to me..."she got off her leash gotta go sorry...*click!*" I'm like, random, but finally I can finish my paper. Then she calls back! We weren't even talking about anything anyways..so then I talk to her for another ten minutes essentially re-capping on everything that we said before. She's so weird. The whole conversation was interspersed with talking to the dog or other people out on walks too. So if I ever was trying to say something I'd be interrupted every ten seconds by that. Don't get me wrong I love me Mom, she's really sweet and considerate she's just not the best multi-tasker. The whole time I was just laughing because it was just so funny, yet I was so annoyed. Guess you had to be there.

In sickness and in health

2006-04-05T13:15:00.000-06:00

I'm sick. I almost made it a whole semester with no illness. Too bad school doesn't stop for disease. The only thing that afforded me some pleasure today amidst being sick and sitting through 4 hours of class while stressing about the other million things I have to do was when...We were taking a survey and this really dumb annoying girl in my class raises her hand and asks, and I quote... "Um...Does Relief Society count as like, a sorority?" Immediately I thought...someone please punch her in the face. I guess I'm kinda cranky today. Oh well I forgive myself.

Textiles, Tests and Papers oh my!

2006-04-03T14:13:00.000-06:00

I'm stressed...actually I have so much to do this week I don't even know where to start. College is so hard sometimes. And today in research methods we had to go around and look at the research posters in our building. And just as I said "This is gonna take forever and we don't even get a stinking break!" the teacher walked by. And this is the one who hates me. I'm retaking another one of her classes from last year too. (see the entry about the test key) I turned red, but we were in the most remote corner of the basement who knew she was gonna be patrolling the area! But really, who cares? I was already on her bad side after correcting her in class when she said something about the Morbidly Obese classification. I merely told her that it's called Obese III now because the "morbidly" made people feel bad. She just looked at me like I was retarded and continued her lecture. Hey, I think it's lame too but that doesn't change the fact that it's different now, get with the program Fullmer. And I guess she also hates me because I never go to her classes, and when I do I talk during them or draw pictures or crack jokes. Whatever. I'm graduating in 3 weeks and then I'll never have to see her feathered hair again. Meanwhile...I have much more important things to worry about, like ordering textile samples for my management class, then taking 3 tests, writing a biochem paper and ten page research proposal. Riiight. "Time goes by...so slowly...so slowly."

Delicious Dreams

2006-04-02T16:30:00.000-06:00

So this weekend I went to wendover as usual. I finally fall asleep at around 11, after tossing and turning because the pillow is too soft, or almost being asleep but waking up and freaking out because the nappy motel sheet kept touching my mouth. So I'm asleep...and I start having a wonderful dream. Kiefer and I are making out, except I'm not myself I'm Amanda Bynes in this red dress (the same one she wore in She's the Man...I had recently seen it.) So just as we hit the bed and he's about to grab my butt I hear a blood curtling scream (in my dream)and then I wake up to my roomate's phone ringing. It's my other annoying roomate who's in Provo calling Patti about some class notes at 7 am!!! I mean couldn't it wait till say 8 when I had to wake up anyways? I was so bitter. Did you have to pick the day I have the makeout dream? Not only could I not continue this dream...though I tried, you know where you close your eyes and try to see if it will keep going, which it didn't...I couldn't even fall back asleep because I was just so aggravated. I'm just laying there fuming about it. I mean it was so real. You know those dreams where you know you're dreaming, but that makes it so much better because you just savor every moment. My inner monologue went something like this..."ya i'm kissing kiefer, and I look hot, and I'm kissing kiefer'...Ya that's what I got ripped out of. I'm not exaggerating...I wanted to cry a little. Anyways. I'm over it now. 24 is on tomorrow. I guess that will have to be enough.

Being grown up SUCKS...but 24 ROCKS.

2006-03-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored right now. Once again I'm passing time until my next class, but I really want to go home. Even though I can't. I have to work on this work sheet and my day is go go go until like 11 tonight. I hate these days. It's these days that the ADD comes out and I just want to go home chuck it all and lay in bed for the rest of the day. But I don't. That's probably the one thing college is good for...making you do crap you don't want to. I guess that's part of what being a grown up is. Not throwing a tantrum every time you don't want to do something. What if people still did that? Like your boss gave you something to work on and you were like "OH gosh...no way, that sucks. Grrrr. Do I have to do that?" Actually I'm pretty sure I still groan out loud when a new assignment is handed out and I'm a senior in college. So apparently I'm not very good at being a grown up yet. I'll have to work on that. And what's funny is one of my friends always calls me the newborn because I used to take so many naps. I've tried to cut back. I'm probably at about toddler status. I try to keep it to one a day. Oh but anyways the reason I started writing this (gosh that was a huge detour) was that 24 rocked last night! When Audrey and Jack had that emotional moment. It was so touching. Once again I pretended the hand was mine.

1 out of 10

2006-03-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

I just found out I had to take a quiz and I didn't study for it...but I took it online just now anyways. Ya I probably should have studied a little bit because I got 1 point out of 10. I am offically retarded. I should have known the stuff. Gosh I'm so stressed out. School is slowly squeezing the life out of me...like a lemon in a vice. Let's just hope I have some juice left to last me to the end. I mean I was mad about that quiz, but I'm pretty much over it now. That's the beauty of being a senior. You bomb and you move on.

Girls that have never met are not meant to live together

2006-03-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Okay...I have to say my roomates are interesting...one is just plain psycho. The other is really sweet and nice but just young and annoying. Sometimes I feel like my apartment complex is just an extension of the dorms where people are yelling and screaming and throwing stuff at each other all the while yelling "holla!". Anywyas the nice/slightly overly enthusiastic one is always asking me to do stuff with her and her little friends which is so nice of her, but I never want to go because basically I just can't picture myself hanging out with her friends. I mean what would we talk about? I just always picture them sitting around talking about the lame guys in the ward that they like and stuff like that. I feel like my sarcasm would be completely out of place. Yet she keeps asking me to do stuff, she never gets the message. And I wish she would because every time one of the roomates tries to talk to me or whatever my blood pressure rises a little. And I don't know if it's just me or what but everytime someone knocks on the door to my room, I get all tense and nervous like wondering how I'm going to pass what feels like an eternity until either one of my roomates is done talking about whatever and they leave me alone. Like the psycho one will just come in and ask me my opinion on random stuff that I don't give a crap about either way, just to talk to me. I even get tense when I use the bathroom sink or mirror and she's in there. However, that's probably because sometimes I'll come into the bathroom and she'll be on the pot with the door open and all the lights off and it will scare the living daylights out of me. Ya you heard me...believe me I've asked her to shut the door to which she replied "sorry sometimes I'm just too lazy." Too lazy to shut the door while your dropping a bomb? Well get un-lazy cause nobody wants to witness that, believe me besides the fact that I jump every time it happens. Only 5 more weeks...then I'm free.

STOP THE SODA, START THE SUPPLEMENTS!

2006-03-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

So today in Biochem (I know what your thinking, and yes I went to class) we learned about Calcium and Phosphate balance. I have learned about this many times before and know the consequences of eating or drinking foods that are high in phosphorous however today it really hit home. I mean, I was sick after. "Let me splain"...So because Ca and Phos always have to be in equilibrium in the blood. If there are high amounts of Phosphorous...the Calcium in the bone is pulled out of the bone and put into the blood so that it can be as high as the phosphophorous in the blood. And when you drink Diet Coke like I do (I mean it sucks because of the Aspartame already which attributes to "aspartame sickness":headaches, anxiety, increased heart rate, even psychosis in some states!) which is really high in phosphorous you are basically screwed because any excess phosphorous you can't use is excreted in the urine, and guess what since Ca and Phos have to always be in balance the Ca is excreted too. And it's hard enough for us women to get enough Ca anyways, even without throwing the whole phosphorous thing in there. And I'm lactose intolerant so milk is not an option, and it is the only really bioavailable source of Ca. Ca is not absorbed well from plant sources because of phytate compounds that block it's absorption. So word to the wise and to myself: STOP DRINKING SODA!!! AND...TAKE CALCIUM SUPPLEMENTS EVERYDAY!!! Supplements are as bioavailable as drinking milk. Now is the time. After age 35 your bone mineral density decreases by 1% a year no matter what you do!!! Okay...so it is definitely my resolution to stop drinking soda. ASAP. I might even form a support group. Like Diet Coke Anonymous. For all the coke whores out there. (obviously I'm not talking about the powdery substance you suck up your nose through a small straw.) I can't help those people...I don't even know if I can help myself. Debbie Downer...wha whaaah.

Why foul faced?

2006-03-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Oh ya...someone asked my why the blog is called foul faced and what that means...So I'll explain. Basically it's just a fun saying. But mainly it's just a saying I use in various settings. I'll give you the definition Balderdash style: foul face(fowel-fa-ce): When something is gross, appaling, unappealing or ugly. As in that monkey's butt with the dingleberry hanging off is foul faced. Or if someone fell out of the ugly tree and pretty much hit every branch on the way down, then that person is foul face or a foul face. Ya pretty much however you want to use it, it's pretty open. And I named the blog that, no...not because I am ugly..but I tend to not hold back on gross details or just inappropriate subject matter. And I tend to think fairly vulgar or crude things are hilarious. I mean my three favorite movies are Zoolander, Anchorman and Wedding Crashers. Anyways...So that's the name of my blog. Deal with it.

Weekends...

2006-03-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

It was a long weekend...to sum up:

The highlights were:
1.My Aloha mango chicken salad at Rumb-I.
2.Frank Vitchert's gonna murder your a**!
3.The fact that when the weekend ends it's Monday and 24 is on.

The lowlights were:
1. Driving back and forth from Wendover
2. Buying this sweat suit at Wal-mart that I thought I liked well enough for working out, so I rip off the tags but then I decide I hate it. Now I'm stuck with it. This is why I don't buy cheap crap from Wal-mart. But I was trying to convinve myself I could be thrifty and that it was cool. But my roots always come back out and I realize that me trying to be cheap just results in more money lost in the long run because I loathe cheap clothes. But it's not like I do it on purpose, it's more of subconscious thing, I can't control it. I wish I could do it, believe me it would save me a lot of money and grief from my mother.
3. Not getting my .avi files of Lost to work on my ghetto computer. Gosh.

But it's monday in provo. The search for my eternal companion continues...lol. I don't think he's here.

Test Key

2006-03-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

So today I just went and asked my teacher for the key to the test. She just gave it to me. No lecture. I guess it was all in my head. Pretty anti-climactic. I tried to quit diet coke today. It didn't work. Like it hasn't worked for the past 35 times I've tried to quit. It's like the second the headache comes on I cave. I have no pain tolerance. I'm in a rut. I need to make a change....can you hear Micheal singing it. Don't worry Miii-cheal.

Adventures in "nutrition"

2006-03-17T14:50:00.002-07:00

So last night on my way to Wendover (for my job) I had had a diet coke. And we're driving and we hit Tooele, which is still about an hour outside Wendover, and I had to pee, but I was talking on the phone so I didn't get off. So the next stop isn't till almost to Wendover. I ended up stopping at the Bonneville Speedway because I had to pee so bad I couldn't hold it till we got to the hotel. I'm serious this was bad. I was sweating and even moving in the seat made me want to cry. I hobbled to the bathroom and pee'd for 4 and a half minutes. Out of control. I tried to quit the Diet Coke earlier that day but to no avail. I'm still trying though. That night I started to watch Donnie Darko and as soon as I heard that creepy voice "I've been watching you.." I had to turn it off. I was too scared. I'm going to try again tomorrow. So we go to Wendover to do community programs and stuff. But today was a hard day for me because we were teaching kindergartner's about eating dairy. Being lactose intolerant and the fact that I think it is horrible for you (atleast from the cows we get the milk from--who are drugged up on anti-biotics and growth hormone) it was hard for me to sing the song about happy cows planning to give their milk to make cheese, ice cream, yogurt and pudding. Riiiight. In reality these cows are not on a grassy knoll, but face to butt in dark cold stalls with pumps attached to their nipples. I desperately wanted to be the Neo in their lives giving them the red pill to rip them out of their rosy world and reveal the dark and cold reality of the dairy industry, but after all...they are only in kindergarten and that probably wouldn't have gone over very well with the government grant we're being paid by...oh well...another day another dollar...even us health and nutritionists gotta eat right? My brother would disagree.

2006-03-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

If you want to see more pictures of me...
Go to
http://marganjoyful.blogspot.com Ya baby...grrrr! hahaha

I'm so tired...NO TODD! NOT NOW!

2006-03-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

I found this picture and I wanted to put it up because it makes me laugh. Llamapalooza ya! That llama scared me...notice how i'm pretty far away from it.
So I have 2 hours to kill before my next shoot myself in the face class. I'm listening to Talib Kweli right now. Got a love Kweli. I highly recommend his older CD Quality. Another good rap group is The Grouch. CD is Crusader for Justice. Bomb. So I might live in Pleasant Grove for the summer, in my brother's basement. Sounds lame but it's actually pretty cool. Ok, so I've been watching Lost. I finished the first season, and my friend Sam gave me the new season on burned CD's to watch with some program called VLC or VCL or something...I'm dyslexic sometimes. So last night I finally get it downloaded to my ghetto computer. (4 year old Mac ibook G3. ya i said G3.) And then it starts to play, but starts skipping the video and a message comes up..and basically tells me "your computer is too slow." that's exactly what it said. This message is popping up at like 1:00 am at this point. I was so pissed. So I might just have to wait till the DVDs come out. So I'm trying to pass the time so I don't cave, skip class and just go home. Here's another dilemma I've been struggling with...I never go to this one class because I'm retaking it and it's easy. So one day the teacher handed back the tests for us to correct and the key was posted somewhere in the building. So I'm not there so I don't get my test until like a week or two later. By then the key isn't up. And since I've gotten the test it's been two weeks or so. So I need to grade my test but I can't. The only way I can is if I ask the teacher for the key, which I'm afraid to do. The reasons why are three fold: 1. I don't like her 2. I'm scared of her 3. I'm afraid that me asking for the key will bring up many more questions and possibly a lecture on my not coming to class. I know the answer here is to just bite the bullet and go ask for the key, but I keep putting it off. I really need to do something about this passive aggressive behavior I've developed over the past few years. Or is it just ambivalence? Who knows...

That's hot

2006-03-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

That's hot...I'm supposed to be in a group project right now...but i got side tracked looking at these pics...i just want to say that I finished all of 24 and I'm watching season five and it's the bomb. Jack Bauer is Bad A. If you want a good kiefer site..if you're obsessed like me, go to kiefer-rocks.com. You'll find this picture and many more.

My ADD is off the charts on Wednesdays

2006-03-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

Okay...i have to sit in the same class for four hours on wednesdays. And needless to say it sucks. Sometimes it's even the same teacher for four hours. However we do get a ten minute break every hour. Sort of like a passing period I guess. I should be working on homework stuff right now but I'm brain dead from trying to supress my ADD for four hours which has resulted in neck and leg cramps and a headache. But during the four painfully long hours, in which I seriously consider screaming out loud at the professor and then walking out in the middle of the lecture for no apparent reason, I think about pretty much everything except for what the teacher is saying. I catch up on other homework and draw but mostly I daydream about being Jack Bauer's new love interest or how I should have gone into film instead of dietetics. I mean I would be happier holding the boom on some lame TV show set than I am now, I'm almost positive. But today I thought about how some people that I know have serious issues and how their issues are getting in the way of my happiness. For instance I was at the bus stop yesterday and I was standing across the street from the WILK talking on the phone. And I saw a car I know. And as a reflex I just turned the other way so I wouldn't have to look at this person head on. But what made me do that? Was it the fact that they are the rude ones so I felt lame? No..because I didn't. I just plain did not want to deal with seeing their face, because it reminds me of how I tried my hardest and it still didn't work. And those are the kind of things that are so frustrating and out of your control that you get an eating disorder from them. hahahaha...ok I don't have an eating disorder, and I don't care even half that much. But why didn't I just wave? In reality, I wish we could be friends. But it never seems to stay that way. And that makes me sad because it's like there is so much potential there, yet for some reason we just don't get off the ground...I guess WE'RE JUST NOT THAT INTO EACH OTHER...lol. You know that book? Maybe none of this made any sense...oh well. Me gusto.

24 is the greatest show on earth

2006-03-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

So...i am now a 24 junkie. Sometimes I pretend that hand is mine...lol..not really. Well...anyways..I can't go a day without watching atleast one episode. However, it usually turns into like 10...then I realize it's 1 am and I have class at eight. But I have to know if Michelle has the virus, or if they're going to catch Saunders. These details are from season three which I finished within a day and a half. So ya I kept watching. Then when I finally finished it at 2 am I couldn't sleep...atleast not well.
I kept having dreams that I was helping Jack Bauer...I needed to upload the satelitte feeds to his cell phone or else the European terrorists were going to take over L.A. with the virus. And then the dream just skipped to me and Jack making out. Then we were being interrogated. And then jack was crying because he got the disease but didn't know it and of course, because we had been making out..i had it. Don't worry I woke up before the lesions started appearing on my face. Needless to say that dream was awesome. I didn't even know I found Kiefer attractive, but I guess I do.
Yes it has become a full blown bad habit. I'm afraid my school work might begin to suffer. But it's almost over. I've started season 4 and that's the last one. So if you've never watched it I highly recommend indulging yourself...but don't be surprised when you're driving to blockbuster at 12:30 to get the next disc. And don't blame me either...

Weebl and Bob

2006-02-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever watch weebl and bob cartoons? well they're hilarious so you should. Check this one out it's my favorite. I wish I talked like that...english accent, yet mildly retarded. When com bak...bing PIE!!!! I love pie.
Here's where you go: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie
Enjoy!

2006-02-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

Ok...i was just in class and I was totally spacing out because I was completely bored out of my mind. And out loud I said really sarcastically "Super!" And then my friends around me starting laughing and I didn't know why. But it occured to me that I had said it out loud. Wow. I have got to get a handle on that ADD.

2006-02-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Can someone tell me why dumb guys who are dating your friends answer their phone and insist on talking to you? Sorry that I don't want to act fake for ten minutes and have a forced awkard conversation with some random my friend is currently hanging out with. You don't know me, I don't know you...you're not funny.

My mom...

2006-02-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with my mom, who apparently thinks the autonomic nervous system is called the automatic nervous system. And something about how hers is starting to shut down, which is why the inside of her nose is dry now and it never was before. Sometimes I just say ya every few minutes during our conversations which involve her talking and me simultaneously text messaging other people. Something else my mom does that's weird...well there are many things but one that kinda creeps me out..is she talks about my dad (who is deceased) like he's still alive. Like she'll say, "well then dad said to me you should do this....yada yada yada"...in her mind this is totally normal, and my dad is very much present in her consciousness. And hey maybe he is who knows...but I get confused every time she does it...like wait...when was this that he said that to you? Ohhhh...in your mind the other day...I get it. Gosh, I wish I was in touch with the spirit world like that.

Also...what's up with the Tahitian Noni Cafe? Weird.

Why valentine's day is lame

2006-02-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

I slept in my car last night pretty much for the hell of it. But I woke up this morning with frozen condensation on the inside of the windows and my nose frozen. Let's just say...I'm going through a weird phase. Or are phases things that were supposed to end after your five. Like when I was five I wore this one shirt every day for like 2 weeks straight. I had to wear that one or I would throw a fit. This phase is different. Anyways...it's valentine's day...which i have to admit I really don't care a lot about. I'm babysitting my brother's kids right now. Basically I just want to finish school and get the hell out of provo. Who cares about some lame holiday. Ok maybe I do just a little bit. But that sucks. Why do I? Why does anyone. The only people that it's fun for are people with a significant other, which in provo means someone whose back you scratch at devotional or hold hands with in class. Or get married to after 2 months of awesome group dates spent at the corn maze or hay ride or mystery dinner date or some other contrived thing like that. I'm over it. Seriously I am. I'm done.